White & nerdy

What is it with all the nerdy white guys going out with hot looking Asian girls in this city? It’s an epidemic. Don’t these Asian girls realise that these guys are single because us white chicks don’t want to date them? And what’s with the creepy 40 something and older guys hanging around the ESL schools on Robson Street hoping to chat one of these young girls up? Creeeeepy. If I were one of these girls, I’d stick to the Coach or Prada handbag as a must have accessory, not a nerdy white guy who wears socks with his sandals *shudder*.

Sleep Country rawks!

The man and I headed to Sleep Country today as our current mattress is a piece of crap and is not conducive to sleeping through the night. Normally I would avoid a huge chain like Sleep Country at all costs but we figured that they would have the best selection. I must say that even though they are pretty cult-like and kept going on and on about how Christine Magee is the best boss ever and the fact that they had a huuuuuge picture of her on the wall by the cashier in a very Mao-like stance…I was uber impressed with the staff. They were helpful, did not push the most expensive product on us, listened to our concerns, etc. I would highly recommend them to anyone; Sleep Country rocks!

I want my damn potato

Why I keep going back to this friggin’ Greek place when there are a plethora of other places to eat in Bentall, I don’t know, but it is one of the few places that always has something vegetarian to eat so I keep going back. Never, not once have they got my order right; I order the platter and pay the platter price but I substitute salad for rice and then I have to fight, argue and whine to get my potato…the potato in which I am entitled to given that I paid for the damn platter so I can get my damn potato in the first place! Gawd, it is not difficult. Perhaps if Greek people or even English speaking people ran the place I would get what I asked for instead of having to explain to the Koreans behind the counter how a friggin’ platter works.

The world is not your ashtray

What in the hell is wrong with smokers anyway? Besides being stupid enough to inhale cyanide, benzene, tar, formaldehyde, pesticides and polonium into their lungs they also seem to have it in their head that they are not subject to littering laws and basic decorum. From a very young age, most of us are taught not to litter, so why is it that every smoker I've ever seen discard their cigarette butts on the ground instead of in an ash tray or trash can (once butted out of course, no need to be both a fire bug and a litter bug)? They flick them out of car windows, stomp on them outside of every office and mall entrance and they discard them in front of bus stops.

Come on, smokers; if you're going to injure yourselves and others via your filthy second-hand smoke, the least you could do is respect public property and cleanliness and clean up after yourselves. Your cigarettes are not biodegradable and frankly, we are tired of seeing your trash all over our city.

Hey PETA! What are my rights?

I almost got attacked by a raccoon on my way in to work today! There were two baby-ish raccoons peering out from behind these fence bars on Harwood Street and a few of us stopped to look because they looked like little convicts and then wooosh, I hear this clickity clacking sound as this big, fat hissing momma coon comes charging down the sidewalk at us! Sometimes I feel like I live in a zoo.

The Idiot

Lynn Colliar with Global morning news pisses me off at the best of times but this morning she showed just how big of a moron she really is. One of the local fire departments is raising money for one of their colleagues who has very advanced cancer and she sends out a ‘hello’ to him and says “I hope that you’re feeling better!!” Jeez, the dude has cancer not a frickin’ cold or food poisoning. Her relentless bashing of all the men on the morning news really gets to me but really, she’s just plain dense; and stop dying your hair, it looks fu*&in’ awful!!! I can’t believe no one has told you already.

Night Market goodness

So the man and I finally drove out to Richmond to attend the famous Night Market last night. The atmosphere was very much like the open air markets in Thailand so we felt right at home pushing our way around the hoardes of short people to look at the various knock off goods that they had. The quality of the knock offs were disappointing compared to the cool stuff that one can find in Thailand so we headed over to the food hawkers instead. Curry fish balls, skewers, Taiwanese cheese tofu, bean curd with Thai sweet chili sauce, etc. The food rocked and it was super cheap. We were stuffed for under $12! Well worth the drive.

Beware of the green eyed monster

Jealousy is an interesting thing. I am at an age where either my friends are really making something of themselves or really bungling it up and still kicking it like they were back in high school. It’s funny because the majority of my friends are getting married, having kids, establishing careers and buying up real estate while they still can. Then there is the minority of my friends who want everything that the majority of my friends have but are not willing to work for it, they just whine about it and try and take the successful/happy ones down a notch every chance they get. You, minority, can have your parties, hangovers and unstable relationships while the rest of us are actually having fun getting our shit together and making a sustainable life. Sure, we all feel jealousy from time to time but when it harms relationships and friendships, perhaps it’s time to check it at the door and get over it already.

Overheard on Davie Street

So I'm walking down Davie Street at around 7:45 AM this morning and I notice that an old restaurant is undergoing a transformation on the outside. In place of the old restaurant is a noodle place of some sort about to open. This couple in front of me is walking and the trendy guy looks at his female friend and says "And really, who doesn't fuckin' love noodles? How can you go wrong??" to which a disgrunted woman standing there waiting for her bus answers "I fuckin' hate noodles so there, too many noodles all over the place". The conversation cracked me up anyway.

It's really not all that difficult

Now for those who know me, you know that I am no rock star in mathematics, but I can still add and subtract with the best of them. So I’m at Starbucks yesterday getting my afternoon fix when the cashier says “$4.21, please”. My money bee* was chock full of small coins and a fiver and there was a long queue behind me so I handed over the fiver, a quarter and a penny. He takes the change and stares at it as if I’d just handed over a wad of Monopoly money and said “Don’t worry, keep the change”.

After the cloud of confusion appeared to clear, he looks up at me and smiles as he hands me over a loonie. I say “Don’t you owe me a nickel?” (to which the mid 30’s Chinese man behind me chimes in “yeah, he does”). The cashier stood there for frickin’ ever thinking, scratching his head, looking around and finally pulls open the drawer to give me my goddamn nickel. It’s not about the money boys and girls, it’s about the principle. This has now happened to me twice in the last 4 days and it happened to my pal Gareth as well this morning when he bought his morning muffin. Do they not teach basic arithmetic in schools anymore? I am tired of being shortchanged by someone too stupid to do simple math.

*(my change purse is a small, beaded bee)

Work makes me fat

So today L. brings in this frickin’ gorgeous blueberry cheesecake because she had too many blueberries kicking around her place. Oh my goodness, as if this isn’t one of the yummiest cheesecakes I have had in a while *drool, bluuuuueberries*. Screw 'office spread', I am headed towards office obesity at this rate if people keep bringing in treats…I am soooo weeeeak.

This one time, at band camp

I am in an organisation with this girl, for the purposes of this blog, we’ll call her Annoying. Everyone in this organization is fairly well spoken, sarcastic and somewhat abrasive; everyone but Annoying that is. She is always relaying stories that are somewhat interesting and then she will say something like “..Yeah, and so then I told him to shove it…Well actually I didn’t say that” or “Yeah, so then I went to city hall and said, ‘I’m not paying for this, it’s your problem, not mine’….Well actually, I didn’t say that”. You’re strange…stop telling these whack stories and if you do, let’s stick with what you actually DID say instead of what you wished you had said but didn’t have the cojones to, mm’kay?

Happy Pride!

So I spent my morning marching in the annual Pride Parade with my fellow Liberals alongside Hedy Fry's float. Our theme this year was 'diverCITY' (Vancouver is very diverse place plus it's fun, blah blah blah you get it). I was walking in a gown with these 3+ inch golden strappy heels and about half way through, my feet were killing me somethin' awful. Seeing Rena and wee little Sloane near the end kept me going though and I hobbled my way to the finish at Thurlow Street. It was a total blast and no matter what anyone says next year, I'm wearing flats!

Rat savior or off his meds?

I was dropping off some mail at the post box on my way to work and as I passed by the alley behind the Bang and Olufsen store on Burrard I noticed an animal cage/trap thingy with quite possibly the largest rat in the whole of the lower mainland in it. As soon as I dropped the mail off I came back around the corner to use the alley as my usual morning shortcut. As I rounded the corner, I saw that this crazy hobo had picked up this caged/trapped rat, threw it on top of his shopping cart of goodies and had taken off running down the alley…WTF was he planning on doing with that rat anyway? **by the way: it was not a pet cage, it was one of those traps with a way in and no way out**

No Bentall, YOU rock

So, I work in one of the Bentall buildings downtown and today they threw a tenant appreciation day for the entire building. There was a live mariachi band, free burritos, chips and churros and the weather was just plain awesome. Even though no one in our company won a prize, we still had a good time. Thanks for the free lunch Bentall, really it was the least you could do considering your elevators trap us and free fall several floors thus scaring us when all we want to do is go home!

Not the sharpest tool in the box

Why do we continue going to Home Depot? It’s like an exercise in repeatedly banging ones head against something very hard and sharp. The last 3 times we have gone to Home Depot we have been told to try Rona instead as they do not carry the basic parts that we needed; what exact purpose do you serve Home Depot??? The funniest part of the adventure was once we realized that Home Depot did not have the part we were after, the man had to use the facilities; their toilet was broken! Their tv commercials are always on about their contracting services and how they can fix and do everything, ‘cha, as if I would ever use them now considering the fact that they cannot fix a toilet. Home Depot, you suck!

Celebration of Light aftermath

Had a wee chuckle over this one; as seen on several home-made posters taped to trees and utility boxes in the West End a day after the fireworks:

"Some asshole kicked over my garden gnome on Comox Street and chipped a small piece of his ear off. If anyone has any information about this let me know, I will beat these fuckers to within an inch of their lives for such a wanton act of vandalism. Peace."

West End residents rock

I have to give a huge shout out to all of the volunteers who came down to Sunset Beach and English Bay and cleaned up all of the garbage left behind from the Celebration of Lights fireworks; you people are fabulous. Despite having several CUPE union members standing there hurling insults at you while you were cleaning, you trudged on. It’s our neighbourhood and I have heard several of my neighbours commenting on how the beach has never been so clean. Perhaps the CUPE members were choked that yet another bargaining tool was taken away from them but honestly, how many of these CUPE employees actually live in the City of Vancouver? Cause I do and my taxes pay your wage…isn't this extortion? Or are you going to tell me that the City of Vancouver does not pay you a high enough wage so that's why you are 'forced' to live in places like Surrey, New Westminster and Port Moody? There is no way in HELL the city should allow your contracts to end a few months prior to the 2010 Olympics; fuck that noise. Flame away.

Dog city

I just don’t get it; dogs in stores. I was in a fairly high end clothing store today and this woman strolls in with some sort of poofy, well manicured dog. The store employee was obviously unhappy that the dog was in the store as she followed it around with a Swiffer broom picking up the dog hair trail. The dog owner looks over to her and says “What? She’s fine…she is very well mannered”. What is wrong with people here? Your dog may be well behaved but you most certainly are not…what makes you think it’s ok to bring your dog into a store or a coffee shop? Are you really that selfish and dense?

Molysmophobia

Hey girls, I hear ya, public washrooms can be nasty places but what’s with the toilet paper barriers on seats everywhere? I would rather you put said barriers down on the seat rather than the ever popular ‘hover method’ (whereby you make a mess all over the place: gross, nasty, eeeew) but if you must make the barrier then please have the decency to throw it away after and not leave your little TP castle half in the bowl and half all over the floor. Were you raised in a barn? Did you grow up with a personal maid? I don’t care; it shouldn’t be someone else’s job to clean up after your paranoia and sloppiness, stop with the TP castles ladies!

Nameless in cyberspace

Anonymity on the Internet is an interesting topic. Some people like to use it for illicit purposes whereas others who have no balls in real life use it to look big and scary on the net. Seeing as a certain negative person who rarely has anything nice to say in real life loves to post here, I would like to encourage them to come on out and stop posting anonymously. I would have no problem if said person posted under their e-mail address or Gmail name like most of you but they don’t. So yeah, please continue to post but don’t be a chickenshit and try to start posting under your name/nickname like everyone else does. This blog was created for me to vent my feelings, frustrations and thoughts and if you don’t like it, then don’t read it; not a difficult concept.

Bitch, please

Why do short people with short little legs insist on hopping off the bus or stepping out of cabs and cutting me off to walk directly in front of me? There is lots of room on the sidewalk for you to walk elsewhere but nooo, you have to go right in front of me even though I have been walking on this path long before you got off said bus or taxi. You try so hard to walk as fast as you can, looking a bit ridiculous mind you. I let you try for maybe ¼ of a block then I get frustrated and easily walk around you because my legs are longer and I am just plain quicker than you are. As I pass you I can hear that you are out of breath, huffing and puffing away…why do you even try?

The Vancouver Country Club

Say what? A slow down of city services? How can they slow it down any more from the status quo? They are already paid a ridiculous amount of money to do menial work and then they bitch and complain that 6 weeks paid holiday is not enough, every stat holiday off is not good enough and the best benefits package around just won’t do. The fact that they would be considered grossly overpaid in any other industry but union work for the city and the fact that they do not see this blows me away… seriously, get over it. Try working in the real world where one is not paid for overtime, one is lucky to get anything more than 2 weeks holiday, where one works on Easter Monday AND Boxing Day, oooooh, yep, that is what the rest of us do. As much as I hate mayor Sam Sullivan I have to say bravo for not putting up with the unions bullshit this time, stick it to ‘em Sammy! It sucks that the city will possibly reek of garbage and filth for a few weeks but doesn’t it already reek like that here?

Messed up

When this story broke out, I know most Vancouverites were thinking “Oh man, yet another Sikh man has killed his wife” but none of us wanted to say anything out loud and be deemed a racist. So the news services towed the husbands line for a few days about alleged masked intruders who broke into their townhouse (in broad daylight mind you), stole nothing and killed her but barely touched him; yeah pretty unlikely story. Anyhow, then on the day of her memorial service, the husband is arrested at the airport trying to flee the country. Not looking so innocent now huh? This is an epidemic, why does this keep happening to these innocent women? It makes me sick.

As seen in the 'Couv

Guest ranter, Drain has these following observances to add to the ‘WTF, did I just see that category’:

An asian guy pulls a U turn on the causeway about 100M from the bridge- I guess he did not want to go over the bridge. It was like a 3 PT turn and by the time he was finished, traffic was stopped both ways. Sometimes I wish I was a cop...he deserves to have his car impounded.

Then, at 8AM on Saturday morning – I was cycling over the Burrard bridge and at the top, a homeless guy with a shopping cart was standing in the middle of the sidewalk taking a leak...very nice...I thought I had seen it all. Nice job Sam Sullivan is doing to clean up the city; I guess his "Broken Windows" program is not working.

Later on Saturday a gal driving a scooter had a cellphone stuck to her cheek with the helmet holding it in place and carrying on a conversation! WTF?

What to do

I have a modern day conundrum here; my good friend C. passed away at the end of May. Every time I log into MSN messenger, I see his chat name and his last tagline “C: sitting in the sun & loving life”. I can’t help but be a bit creeped out. I also feel this intense sense of guilt when I even contemplate deleting him from my chat list because it makes me a sad whenever I see his name there and know that he’ll never be logging in again *sigh*

The drugs don't work

I was waiting for the man to pick me up last night by Waterfront Station when a guy approached me telling me that he was starving and had not eaten all day. I gave him the bag of crackers that I had just opened and started eating and off he trotted, thanking me and not harassing anyone else and looking genuinely grateful. 2 minutes later, the scary witch-looking lady that is always trying to sell stolen flowers comes up to me and says “My name is Jackie and I have been off heroin for 10 months and am in the methadone program. Can I have some money?”, as she is shaking uncontrollably and looking all drugged out. I said ‘no, sorry I have nothing on me’ and she proceeds to hork on my shoe and scream “You look like you never ever help the homeless you bitch!”. Normally I would ignore it but I was in a bad mood and told her to fuck off and go harass someone else. It pissed me off seeing as I had just given someone the only food I had and not 4 days earlier donated over 600$ worth of nice business suits to a women’s shelter that helps women get back into the work force and ready for job interviews. Plenty of us help those actually in need but me giving drug addicts money on the street to help get their next fix is not going to help anyone.

A convenient truth

I was reading the news the other day and saw that Al Gore's son was pulled over going 160 km/h on a freeway the other day. He was caught with marijuana on him as well as loads of prescription drugs. All that aside my favourite part of the story was that he was going 160 km/h in a Toyota Prius! I had no idea that a hybrid car could haul ass like that, wicked.

Peace out

I was walking home yesterday and happened upon a hoard of young Asian girls posing for vacation pictures; they all flashed the peace sign instead of posing or smiling like a normal person. Then as I continued to walk past other touristy spots along my journey, I saw more Asians posing for pictures and flashing the peace sign. Perhaps it’s a victory sign instead of a peace sign but either way, WTF?? Have all those years of Hello Kitty warped their minds? Any insight into this would be mucho appreciated.

Mooove over!

No seriously, YOU move the fu*& over! I am walking on the sidewalk and you and your entourage are walking on the sidewalk. Said sidewalk has room for about 4 people wide max and you are walking with 7 people arm in arm. Do you a) break apart briefly to let people pass or do you b) giggle and ignore oncoming people? Well I choose option c) as an “excuse me, may I please pass?” no longer seems to work. I almost felt bad for barreling through your entourage sending 3 of you spinning and one of you calling me ‘mean’ but I did ask for ‘permission’ to get past and well, who doesn’t like a good ole’ game of Red Rover now and then? Seriously, learn some frickin’ manners ESL students of Robson Street.

Statistics Secret?

Stopped in at the outlet shops on the way back to the Great White North and decided that I needed some cheap and comfy ginch. Bought some stuff at Victoria’s Secret in Bellingham and the ditz behind the counter asks me if I would like to sign up for a free Victoria’s Secret Credit card. I politely answer, “No thanks, I’m Canadian and we do not even have your stores where I live”. She looks at me, bats her eyelashes and says “Well actually, 80% of our credit card holders are Canadian…”. Yeah, as if, at least give me a believable number. That’s like telling me that 80% of Tim Horton’s Roll-up-the-Rim winners are from Mexico, nope, not buying it.

Fear of God or fear of ticket?

So I was in Seattle with the man over the weekend to celebrate our wedding anniversary. We saw many kewl things in Seattle: Alki beach, the aquarium (fish rock!), Pike Place Market, a handful of amazing restaurants and our hotel was frickin’ amazing, our room was right over the ocean.

However, one thing I could not help but notice is that Americans don’t jaywalk, what’s up with that? Is it a fear of god? Is it simple obedience? I don’t get it. Every time traffic cleared my fellow Canadians and I boldly strutted across the street even though the orange hand was up while the Americans waited patiently and even tsk’ed at us. And who says Americans are impatient?

Oooooooooooooooh

I reeeeeeeally, reeeeeally, reeeeeeeally want an Apple iPhone. No real reason why but I just have this massive urge to own one. Granted they cost more than my Apple MacbookPro and current mobile phone put together, are not yet available in Canada and I don't need one; I still want one! Drooooool

Where do you see "Bicycle" in the word "Sidewalk"?

Sidewalks are for w-a-l-k-i-n-g, not for riding your bicycle. There are these lanes on the side of the road, between where the cars go and where the people go called a bike lane. They were created so that you can ride your bike in relative safety while I can walk to where I need to be in relative safety, novel concept really. Why you feel the need to whip down the sidewalks through hordes of people and get snotty when we give you dirty looks when you yell at us to get out of your way astounds me. YOU person on the bicycle are a Chapeau de Derriere.

Birds are gross

I was walking to work this morning along Harwood Street when I heard this whoosh sound overhead and was subsequently shat on by oh about 8 pigeons flying overhead. I literally stood there drenched in pigeon explosive diarrhea while several onlookers stared at me with the most horrified faces I have ever seen. A lady called down from an apartment building and told me to come up and grab a towel which I gratefully did. I basically wrapped my hair up and somewhat wiped myself down so I could walk home and get in the shower (that lady is my hero, I am soooo grateful). It seriously took me like 15 minutes to wash it all outta my 'fro. Everyone keeps telling me that I should buy a lottery ticket now as being shat on is apparently good luck. Funny, cause I was not feeling so lucky when my hair was coated in pigeon McDonald’s and garbage eatin’ crap.

Ecodensity

Seriously, what in the hell is wrong with our mayor, Sam Sullivan? He now feels the need to personally patent the word 'ecodensity'. He tells us that it is so local businesses do not pick up and use yet another one of his snazzy words (funny enough, when I typed 'ecodensity' into Google, I got 48,000 hits). It's times like this when I curse Larry Campbell for selling out and becoming a senator. How could you leave us with Sam Sullivan??? He's a complete nutjob.

Boys Lunch

Every Friday is ‘Boys Lunch’ at work. A group of guys used to have lunch once a week until M. & I started inviting ourselves along as well. Today we went to the Mill Marine Bistro in Coal Harbour. Amazing location, view, etc. but we waited 40 minutes till lunch was on the table and the food was awful; I had to order a side of mayo to slather on my salmon burger to choke it down as it was so dry. When will restaurants in the ‘Couv learn that eventually people will clue in that all you have is a nice view and stop going on account of the crappy food and even shittier service…wake up people.

How rude

So, you make plans with someone to meet at a certain time and place. Then when the time finally comes to meet up, they don’t show; no phone call, no e-mail, no Facebook message…nothing. Were you raised in a barn? Honestly people, show a little common courtesy as I know you would be pissed if I did the same thing to you and you know it.

In the ghetto

I was reading the Vancouver Sun online this morning and came across this article about immigrants fleeing their nations only to arrive in Vancouver and be ‘forced’ to live in Surrey and the burbs as they cannot afford to live in Vancouver city proper due to our real estate prices. I get that it’s pricey here but look at cities like New York, London, Paris, etc. These cities are all FAR more expensive than the ‘Couv real estate and cost of living-wise yet they have tons and tons of immigrants living there. The ‘Couv is pricey but look to your immigrant friends in the other cities and then complain; you have it pretty damn good here.

Slowly converting people

I now have 9 people hopelessly addicted to Costco Trident salmon burgers, buahaha! 6/9 people got Costco memberships just to buy these tasty salmon burgers...I feel like a cult leader of sorts.

Bad case of the Monday's

I had a hankering for banana bread this morning so I went to Starbucks and ordered my usual coffee and a piece of banana bread for a treat. The coffee was perfect as usual but they gave me an end piece of banana bread, lame! I think that they should really ask you if you want an end piece when there are copious amounts of it there behind the glass…Not many people like the end pieces, surely they know that.

On a side note: I saw a guy in deep conversation with a Toyota Tundra truck this morning on my walk in to the office. He was telling it how pretty it was and asked if it hated Mondays too…ohhhhkay.

Things that make you go hmm

Why is it that in all the higher end shops on Robson St. that the men’s floor is always at street level but us girls have to walk up a floor to get to our section? Is it because men are lazy and would never go in there if there were stairs? Or is it because they know that most men are pervs who will take any chance they can get to look up a girls skirt? Or maybe a man planned it because he has a shopaholic of a wife and wanted to make it harder for her to go on a shopping spree if she has to navigate so many stairs in her Gucci peeptoe heels. I have always been curious.

LITG8R

Asshole lawyer driving the black Benz this morning who ran the red light at Burrard and Robson St's...get off your damn phone!!! A whack of us were in the crosswalk crossing on the little walking man signal when you decided to tear through. I have your plate number (LITG8R) and you're lucky that you did not hit any of us or else perhaps we would have seen these amazing litigation skills of yours in court you cell phone yakking careless driving mofo.

My husband the terrorist

We spent our last few hours in Edmunchuk at the West Edmonton Mall. We had an hour and a half to kill towards the end so we both decided to indulge in something just for us. I chose to have an aqua massage (it was wonderful) and the man decided to shoot a glock at the shooting range in the mall. We both left the mall happy and headed to the airport to fly home.

I get through airport security no problem but instead of the man following me, they pull him aside and several security officers are crowded around the X-ray machine and a few more are called over to come look. A guy comes over with gloves and asks to look in the man’s bag. He starts opening it verrry carefully and swabs the inside and outside of the bag. No one will go near the bag but this one guy and he pulls everything out very deliberately. We finally got through once he saw the shooting range target paper but thanks to the man’s frickin’ gun powder residue all over his knapsack I was sure we would be screwed.

Hoboless

Now I know why BC has so many damn hobos; we were staying at the Marriott hotel in downtown Edmonton and in the whole time we walked and drove around I only ever saw 1 hobo! If we could find a way to eradicate mosquitoes then I am sure that Vancouver could offload some of its hobos onto fine cities such as Edmonton to share the load ya know. Maybe I’ll let Mayor Sam Sullivan know that instead of using our tax money to build all of this pricey social housing that we can instead eradicate mosquitoes with our money and put the hobos on the bus a la Ralph Klein and send them back home. Sound like a plan?

Rehearsal

So the whole crew went to St. Basil’s Ukrainian Catholic Church this evening to do a trial run through of Dea’s wedding ceremony. I just thought that I would share some of the most memorable quotes from the evening:

- Tiff and JJ reading a Ukrainian prayer book: T “This book is all in Russian!” to which JJ answered “No, it’s in Ukrainian, we’re in a Ukrainian church”. T “Isn’t it the same thing?” to which I said “Nope”.

- JJ walking down the aisle and being told by the priest to give ‘reverence’ to which I bowed to the priest and he barked back "Reverence! Not to me, to Jesus!!” (There was a huge ass painting of Jesus beside him on the wall, how was I supposed to know? Jeez).

- Tiff walking down the aisle right after me and being asked by the priest “Catholic or non?” to which she answered “It doesn’t matter, I can go either way”. Ha ha she almost finished that sentence with “I’m flexible”. Can you imagine actually saying to a priest “Oh it’s ok Father, I’m flexible”, that would have been awesome.

DeathJet

I flew on WestJet today to Edmonton for my cousin Dea’s wedding. When I fly on my own, I always try to book a window seat so that I do not have to get up for those sitting beside me to use the lavatory. I have the bladder of a camel which means, I can hold it for an hour and a half flight! I boarded the plane and walked to my seat and lo and behold there was a 50 something year old woman in my seat with her various Prada handbags strewn about the area and was snapping her gum like a crocodile chowing down on a Florida tourist. I looked at her, looked at my ticket and politely said, “Excuse me but I think that you’re in my seat” to which she not so politely snorted “Can’t you see I’m settled? Take my seat!”. Grrr Prada bitch. The plane was otherwise full so I couldn’t sit anywhere else so in her seat I sat. Well Prada bitch has a bladder the size of an ant because she had to get up 6 times to go to the loo on an hour and a half flight and left me in charge of the various Prada bags; Biatch.

The Bay can kiss my pelt

I went to the Bay to get my cousin’s wedding gift off of her registry. I brought the list and went up to the department in question and asked for their help. 3 of them stared at me like deer in headlights and 1 decided that she had to help me so off we went. 10 minutes later she says “I give up’ and left me with the gift registry people. They are an even more incompetent bunch and they proceed to call the various stores in Edmonton to see if they have what I am looking for. Keep in mind, the computer says that the store I am standing in right friggin’ now has 3 of what I need but they keep telling me ‘that actually means we have none’…Sounds like a shitty inventory system then! If 3 equals zero what does zero equal? Anyway…They call the store in Edmonton who keeps hanging up on them and refusing to go look. The gift registry girl in Vancouver is almost in tears because I am telling them how retarded and f&%king stupid this process is, her manager is pacing back and forth and I am having conversations with brides-to-be telling them to register at Linens-N—Things as it is far easier than the idiotic Bay. Fast forward, almost an hour and a half and the only helpful employee of the Bay comes running up with everything I need! Thank you Deanna from Vancouver gift registry, you rock. As for your co-workers though, well, they can bite my ass.

On Busses and cell phones

I rarely need to take the bus here in Vancouver as I can pretty much walk to wherever I need to be. Friday however, was one of the rare cases where I had to bus somewhere and as usual, it was an experience. I bussed out to VGH on the 98 B-line pretty much in the middle of rush hour. The bus was swerving in and out of traffic, was all over the bridge and almost took out some cyclists just to add to the fun. The bus driver was on his personal cell phone the whole time blathering away in some sort of Indian language (Hindi? dunno). Dude! Your job is to pay attention to the road, not talk to you pals while driving 200 of us around in traffic at speeds up to 70 km/h! It’s like cab drivers here, they miss the turn to your place and go the long way because they are too busy talking on their phones…so annoying not to mention dangerous.

End of an era

We went to the evil Metrotown Metropolis yesterday evening to buy the man a suit for my cousin Dea’s wedding. After not as much ordeal as (I) predicted, we came out of there with a nice looking, not quite Eurotrash pinstripe suit. With the blue shirt and stripy tie that I picked out, I think he looks hot!

It is truly the end of an era though. Before having his very own suit he previously had use of the ‘family suit’. I am sooo not kidding here…there is a suit back at his family home that both himself, his father and brothers have use of. Depending on who needs it, it gets lengthened or shortened, taken in or let out, as all of them are complete body opposites. His mother is truly the Queen of Alterations! It has been used for job interviews and weddings and who knows what else. The family suit has served Jacob well but it is now time to move on.