Friday, March 27, 2009

And so the war begins...


Parsons Shoe Renew on Pender Street, you're going down. I used to recommend you to everyone telling them how awesome and speedy you were but you can forget that now. I brought in my priceless black patent leather Cole Haan peep toe heels in last week to get Topy’s put on the bottom and to get the heel tips replaced. The little Korean fella behind the counter calls me at work and says “If you pay in cash, I will give you a good deal.” Ok, I thought, why not? So I go to Parsons with 60$ cash in hand for the 50$ repair job and I am met at the counter by the little Korean fella who is all too happy to see my fist full of 20s. I look at the shoes and they look good so I hand over $60. He hands me back $10 plus a loonie, he says ‘to buy myself a drink’ (gee, thanks asshole, even a bottle of water is like 2 bucks downtown). He keeps saying over and over again “Don’t tell the lady that I gave you a deal, don’t tell her, ok? You promise?” I said yes, fine, I won’t tell and figured he was underpaid and pocketing the cash, whatever. Afterwards I realise I am probably actually being ripped off royally but as if I will ever find out. So I put my shoes on as I am going to an event that night and got half a block and then my heel snaps, muthafucka! I go back to the shop but he has now closed up and turned the lights off. Seriously…these shoes ain’t cheap and he fixed the heel, he must have done something to my shoes to make this happen, this is totally mental and I am pissed and he wants another $100 from me to fix this issue. Screw you Parsons Shoe Renew, it’s on…like Donkey Kong.

Monday, March 23, 2009

A scare at bedtime

I never learn. I really have to stop watching Mantracker before bedtime cause it tends to freak me right the fuck out. His gaze and how he just turns up out of nowhere never ceases to scare the crap out of me. Last night’s episode was hilarious because the male contestant was like “The Mantracker is a dick…I can totally beat him.” Well guess what? Buddy turns around and who is right frickin’ there? The Mantracker. Buddy screamed like a girl and ran towards the bushes ha ha.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Perfectly Marvelous

I got on the bus after a long week of work and just wanted to get home as soon as possible. The bus driver seemed a little more chipper than normal, ok fine, it is Friday, that’s cool. About 3 blocks into the trip, she starts belting out Broadway show tunes loud enough for me to hear them in the back of the bus. Then some crack whore sitting around mid-bus decides that all attention should be on her and not on the singing bus driver so she saunters up to the front of the bus and starts chatting up a blind guy sitting in the special sitting area by offering him half of her bakery loot (which amazingly, he accepted). I just shook my head and continued on reading the paper. 5 minutes later I decided to look up; the Cabaret tunes were getting louder and louder and now the crack whore has straddled the blind guy and is feeding him a chocolate muffin from her loot bag. Life would be so boring without public transit.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

What the deuce?

Nothing in Vegas really surprises me anymore, well, until we got onto the Deuce bus after midnight tonight. This double-decker bus runs up and down the strip dropping everyone off at their various hotels. We were the first ones on and so of course claimed the best seats in the house. Everyone else on board pretty much were in their 30s and 40s and appeared to be re-living their teenage years, it was completely out of control. The woman behind us had a Sarah Palin/Fargoesque accent and kept shouting out all kinds of stupid crap i.e. passing Circus Circus she starts yelling “It’s slots of fun everyone!! Come on, let’s go…slots of fun.” Oh god, this place truly is like adult Disneyland at times.

Friday, March 06, 2009

Viva Las Vegas

I have never been to Vegas in my life and already after day number one, I am fed up with all of the bells, ringing, cigarette smoke and the mirages; everything looks to be just across the street but really it’s like a 25 minute walk away, frickin’ desert! The one thing that I cannot get over is how you can be wandering the casino floor at 1 am and parents are still gambling and dragging their toddlers and babies around the smoke-filled casino floor. One would think with such stellar examples of parenting that the casinos would be teeming with child welfare agents or something. It’s 1 am and your kid smells like booze and smokes, stop gambling for Christ sake and take junior to bed already, gawd.