Sheeple

YAY many of you exclaimed when Serial Killer Harper, errr sorry, Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced that he was lowering the GST to 5%. It appears that most Canadians are indeed easily appeased. Why don’t you do something actually useful Mr. Harper and lower the personal income and business taxes? Anyone with a grasp of basic economics would tell you that this would be a wise move and would encourage more spending into the local economies as we would have a little more money in our pockets. Cutting the GST does not boost productivity whatsoever; it actually harms our competitive edge on a global playing field. How is that good for Canadians?

Money makes the world go round

I have known for some time that the 'Couv is an expensive city in which to live but I must say that this news article still shocked me. It talks about if you have ever wondered how you stack up financially against your neighbours. I personally do not talk about my exact salary unless it's with the man or my boss because it's nobody's business but to find out that a combined household net worth of 92K is the bottom threshold to be considered 'middle class' in this city is shocking. I know many couples who make less than this and have no debt load, I cannot imagine how people with a debt such as a student loan or credit card debt can ever truly get out of it. Many people are left with no choice but to carry interest fees, take out a loan, etc. It is human nature to want to 'keep up with the Joneses' but at what cost? I keep seeing the cost of living going up but wages remain steadfast, when is this disparity going to change?

Take me to your leader

I come to your Starbucks 5 times a week around the same time every day. Every time I arrive to your counter you give me and everyone else the most stunned look. You listen to us recite our orders and you shout them out to the barista completely wrong, every single time. Were you in an accident and did it affect your short term memory? If so, then please accept my apologies but I have a hunch that you’re just kinda slow. You wear your headband across your forehead instead of on the top of your head like nearly everyone else in the world does, trust me, it makes you look like even more of a space case. Basically, you're not pretty enough to be this stupid.

Seriously, what were they smoking?

Apparently the concept of gigantic animatronic dinosaurs in Stanley Park was a bad idea afterall. The Vancouver Park Board has finally shelved an absolutely retarded proposal to bring in up to 30 of the animatronic critters in a bid to attract more tourist dollars (as if the 'Couv does not have enough tourist scams/traps already). The idea was first announced in September and was met with almost universal ridicule. Stanley Park is stunning all on it's own, what in the hell were you thinking Vancouver Park Board?? Idiots.

I'm with stupid

So a girl walks by me this morning with a green shirt that says 'Everyone is stupider than me' and the old man beside me points to her and says “Now, what are the odds of that being true? Stupid.” Ha ha, good times.

Pissing away our resources

Vancouver is in a rainforest which means that it rains a LOT here. So why is it dear neighbor that in the midst of one of our famous downpours that I hear your in-ground sprinklers come on at 3 a.m. on a daily basis?? Your grass is already under an inch of water, can’t you forego the sprinklers until summer and stop wasting water and waking us all up with the hisssssssss of your sprinklers? Douchebag.

Facebook manners or lack thereof

Do you pillage your friends’ friends list in a vain attempt to bolster your own numbers to make yourself look cooler (a.k.a. a Facebook whore)? Do you add someone as a friend and then never follow up with a hello message or fail to return a hello message? Do you post group shots where you look fabulous but your friends look awful? People say that technology breeds poor manners but I think that it’s people with bad manners that are now in the public eye so their complete lack of manners and zero social skills are now out in the open for all to see. Whatever happened to basic manners people?

It's a wonderful day in the neighbourhood

The 'Couv was ranked the 2nd friendliest city in all of Canada. Obviously VANOC bribed the Reader’s Digest on this vote because I find the ‘Couv to be one of the rudest cities in all of Canada. East Coast and Prairie people are polite, warm and caring whereas Vancouverites push, shove, spit everywhere, let doors slam in your face, talk loudly on mobile phones anywhere and everywhere, etc. As I was walking up closer to the newspaper box proclaiming “We’re #2 in Politeness” some chick carrying a fake Coach handbag sideswiped me to push ahead of an older lady using a walker because she was not moving fast enough for her.

Stealing is bad

This is what happens when you steal. Idiot co-worker comes over to my desk while I am making tea in the kitchen and helps himself to the Listerine Pocketpacks by my phone. Luckily for me I get back just in time to see him peeling it off his tongue and making a horrible face when I inform him that those are Post It Note page tabs and not Listerine Pocketpacks...nice. That'll learn 'em.

Tired of you making me look bad

Listen up BMO; I pay off my credit card and line of credit religiously: on time, in full, all the time, every time. When I phone you in order to pay you, I always ask that you do the full pay out balance. Why is it then that I am hit with a fee every single month because your retarded telephone bill processors are complete idiots and only pay off the balance and not the payout balance? I have to phone and haggle with your management every month because of your incompetence and you make my credit look bad. I hate you with a passion BMO.

Home sweet home

This was prompted by a piece I saw on the news this evening: Why should the people of the Downtown East Side (DTES) be able to dictate where affordable housing should be located? I myself am a hardworking taxpayer who would like to live on Kits Beach; should the government pay for this also? If I could not afford to support myself in a certain area, I would have to move. I'm all for social housing but why does it have to be right downtown where the real estate is the highest thus costing us tax payers top dollar? Build it out in Abbotsford or Coquitlam. It might not be where you want to live, but it would be a real home instead of in a dirty alley. If you think it`s easy for the rest of us, you are obviously all on drugs. Most of us live pay cheque to pay cheque trying to make ends meet. The homeless are not the only people around trying to make a go of it. The money comes from us tax payers, it does not grow on trees. Personally, I would like to see my money put to good use instead of handing it over to a crack addict.

Oink oink goes the pig

If you haven’t already noticed, people who bring their private boorish behaviour out into the public domain really piss me off. If your tea/coffee/beverage is too hot, how about waiting for it to cool down? Don’t keep slurping and emitting a loud “ahhhhhhh” each time after you swallow, didn’t your mama teach you basic manners? I don’t care what you do at home but this is not your house and your slurping is irritating not to mention rude.

Just checkin'

We parked Hatchy (our car) at the airport over the weekend because we went to Portland. After flying back home late on Sunday night, we piled into the car and noticed a ticket on the windshield, FU&#!! I got out to take a look at it and it turns out that it is a warning slip of some sort. Community police officers walk around the lot seeing if you have left anything in your car, left it unlocked, have money in plain view, etc. Our warning ticket said “Your car has an immobilizer and an alarm…good work!” Yeah great, thanks…Don’t scare me like that again you punks!

Not fat, just big boned

I am tired of people and parents making excuses for youth being overweight. You’re overweight because you eat too much, you eat crappy food and you’re lazy. Get off your butt and stop watching so much TV and playing on the computer; would it kill you to walk to the store instead of driving there? No, you’re not big boned; big bones do not create back fat and belly rolls. And why do overweight women insist on wearing tight clothing that only showcases their roles? It really does not look good; don’t you have mirrors in your house?

I found this story to be both interesting and kind of sad, although I am not sure I agree with schools sending out such notes, I see why they have to do it as both children and parents seem to be in complete denial about obesity.

Jeopardy

So there I was totally rocking Jeopardy tonight when I realized that hey, the contestants are all 12 years old, no wonder I’m rocking the show. Anyhow, there were a few questions that I answered and they didn’t get so yeah, in your face kids!!! I found it funny though that all the questions the kids could not answer were all to do with books and literature yet they all rocked the celebrity’s category, pretty sad actually.

Cheek zit

Owwwww, I have a cheek zit. It lurks in the lower reaches of my vision, obstructing my view if I glance down and it hurts like hell to smile so I'm gonna stay grumpy all day, mmmmkay? I am totally obsessing over it today. It's all that I can think about...

Life on the coast

We went to the island for Turkey day festivities. On the way back, there was a 3 sailing wait to get back to the mainland. What’s up with that? I would gladly pay double the cost of the ferry just to drive back on a bridge, let’s build this damn thing already!

Oh and 3 annoying things that happen every single time we ride the ferry:
1) People who leave a crappy items on the ferry so that we have to hear them make announcements about how you can retrieve your water bottle, sock or torn wife beater shirt from the Chief Pursers Office every 30 seconds; thanks for being a forgetful slob fellow passengers.
2) People who put all of their worldly possessions across many seats on a packed ferry for family members who never show up just so you don’t have to sit next to a stranger.
3) People who start their cars up before the ferry has even docked despite the announcements telling you not to. Thanks, I have always wondered what carbon monoxide poisoning is like, I think I kinda get it now you selfish bastards.

Seriously??

Do you honestly think that because you have that annoying little yellow sign that says “Baby on Board” that people are magically going to stop tailgating you, give you more room or actually give a flying fu*# that you have a baby in the car?? These signs as well as the ‘mother-to-be’ and ‘new mom’ parking spaces at the mall make me want to puke. My mother had no problem driving the baby me in the car sans dorky yellow sign and I am sure that she does not suffer from any lingering effects from having to walk to the grocery store from the further corner of the parking lot rather than a spot created just for mothers. Why the special treatment all of a sudden?

We are all Canucks

It is one thing to watch the Canucks on T.V. but it’s no comparison to watching a live game at GM Place no matter where your seats are. According to the Fan Cost Index, we are now the 3rd most expensive place to take in a live game in the entire NHL (Toronto is #1 and Montréal is #2). So I guess we can all be Canucks but only a select few can actually go cheer them on for real given the latest hike in ticket prices. Way to endear your fans.

Oh, and I hate the new jersey. Why did they have to ruin it by plastering 'Vancouver' across the chest? It's beyond tacky.

How very random

Just thought I'd share my random thoughts from my walk in to work this morning:

I need to eat more leafy greens.

Places like Bean Around the World who insist on calling Americanos, “Canadianos” and ridicule those who do not use their pompous lingo. Can I get a side of freedom fries with that please?

How the 'Littlest Hobo' theme song still makes me sad when I hear it…why do you always run away?? They love you and want to keep you; stupid dog.

How does that blind lady shopping at Safeway know if she’s buying a box of chicken breasts or a box of pre-made hamburger patties just by touching the box?

I want a dog, reeeeeally bad.

Cause I'm rich bitch!

I was walking down Burrard Street this morning and I could see this crazy junkie chasing down a Helijet bus. He was pounding on the door with one hand and attempting to whizz on it with the other. He kept screaming “Take me to my hotel asshole!”. Of course it was complete gridlock so the Helijet bus was going nowhere fast. For 3 long, painful blocks this went on. He eventually screamed “Take me to my hotel NOW. It’s my hotel, I own it!!! I own it dammit!!”. Surrrrre you do. The whole time this was going on some nice girl in town on buiness from Ohio was at my side scared to walk to Blenz by herself. You junkies are not good for tourism or anything else really...except perhaps for my entertainment.