How about a little lesson in umbrella etiquette for all of those lacking a shred of common sense:
1. Do not walk around blindly with your umbrella held in front of your face expecting everyone else to move for you....I really hope you trip so I can laugh at your expense.
2. If three of you each with their own giant-ass golf umbrella insist on meandering side by side down the sidewalk, pick up the fucking pace. You're holding everyone up behind you and we don't want to step into the 2 foot deep puddles beside the curb just to get around your slow ass.
3. Go ahead and keep your umbrella up until the last second before you walk into my office building or Starbucks, but if you turn around and shake it off towards those of us behind you, i will grab it and shake my wet umbrella in YOUR face!
4. If your umbrella is in need of repair i.e. has a sharp pointy piece of metal at my eye level then suck it up princess, it's time to lay 10 bucks down on a new umbrella that doesn't impale innocent pedestrians you cheap dangerous mofo.
5. Awning or umbrella?...choose one and stick with it, douchebag.
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