After talking with A.W. for some time about what peeves us about people, I decided to spice up the old blog with some rants from a different perspective. A.W. aka Drain is my first guest poster ever. I encourage others to send me their rants and if they are any good, I'll post them!
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Hi JJ,
As we discussed, Lewis Black and his creative team asked me to come up with some material for his upcoming visit to Vancouver. It was not hard as there are sooooo many asinine, inconsiderate, lazy, selfish people in the Lower Mainland who thinks the world revolves around them. Of course, “certain “ groups or people seem worse than others but generally I think we can describe the whole melting pot as a freak show.
By no means are these points inclusive but I am using as a blueprint to get me started and there is no shortage of material.
So people have shown us how frigging stupid, inconsiderate, selfish etc. etc. they are in a few areas:
When driving you see all sorts of idiotic and selfish behavior.
When did using a turn signals and stopping for red lights (and yellows) become optional? And use of cell phones while driving only helps people avoid these tedious tasks. Not sure if this is plain stupidity or just laziness. But either way-you are idiots who make me want to become a cop so I can give you tickets and to piss you off.
The people who don’t bother to show a cursory thank you when you let them into traffic or to whom you yield to when coming the opposite direction down a narrow lane or street. A little thank you would be considerate. Just put up your hand Asshole or next time I won’t let you go…
And for those people who don’t know – when another driver flashes their lights-you can go. It’s just common sense, which obviously you don’t have.
Also, when turning left in an intersection why do some brain surgeons not move out enough so that they are not the only ones who can turn on the light-what about the people behind you or do you want to be the only one that gets to go through? So don’t be afraid to move out a little so other people behind you can inch into the intersection-once a driver is in the intersection he/she can proceed through the light. Your selfishness or ignorance slows traffic down and basically pisses off people in all directions.
Cyclists actually do belong on the road- the law is that you have to give them 3M room. Deal with it and please no more dirty looks for the cyclists just being on the road. It’s always extra special when drivers do this on a bike lane. Frigging idiots!
It’s always special when smokers toss their cigarette butts out the window. Especially when they land on other cars. So it’s basically, fuck the outside world as long as the inside of your car is not littered with the fucking things..right? right? Get a life!
And pedestrians-crossing streets in the dark, dressed in black, while it is raining…not a brilliant idea and please increase your sloooow shuffle while doing so. Also, no need to hurry up when crossing at a light when it has turned against you-don’t worry, nobody thinks it’s selfish…
Also, there are both streets and sidewalks on Granville Island. Pedestrians please use the correct one. Tourists aren’t the only ones (locals are pretty stupid also) wandering aimlessly along the roads and walking blindly into traffic. A few signs informing these rocket scientists the correct place to wander would be helpful. But just once I would like to teach them a lesson…like a video game…and clear them out….in my car.
And at the gym:
Love those selfish people at the water fountain who don’t mind having people wait for them while they fill their water bottle up to the very top. And then walk away so they don’t have to look at you. No amount of looking away will hide the fact you are a selfish prick… get it?
And of course those special people who walk around in a sweat dripped t-shirt and who don’t wipe down the equipment after they use. It is not cool to be walking around like that and you are a loser. Change your shirt you prick! You also stink….and various holes or baggy, old cotton t-shirts are not a fashion statement unless there is some sort of Mr. or Ms. refugee from Surrey contest coming up. And you are not hiding the fact you have an ugly and fat body either…..we can tell…really…..you are not fooling anyone.
Also, in what world do people not put away their weights or equipment after use? Please tell me because you can send these people there and they can go with the ones who don’t have the courtesy to ask to work in with you and who’d rather just sneak in when you just happen to look away. Brilliant strategy fuckwad and it would get you a bullet in the head if this were Iraq.
Also, there is no need to scrub everything over and over again when showering. Especially when people are waiting. These are not your personal showers where you can wring out every last second of maximum cleaning time in order to save a few pennies at home. Also, there is a reason for the no spitting, brushing, or shaving in the shower sign.
Miscellaneous observations.
Hope there is special place in hell for these inconsiderate people who:
Stay on the cell phone through a whole retail transaction. The clerk does not know how to deal with you and the people behind you just think you are a pompous prick who thinks they are better than everyone else. Trust us, you are not that important!
Don’t flush after using (taking a dump) a public toilet. Or piss all over the seat in a mens bathroom. That is just wrong and it really, really is socially unacceptable. Always such a nice present when opening a stall…
And smokers. Don’t light up right beside me and foul the clean air. And do not block building entrances. Some of us find the air you foul offensive. We just need a really good comment to put you into your place. You low lifes feel your right to smoke outweighs our right to breathe. Somehow, “ fuck you asshole “ does not cover it”
Love those people who spit everywhere. The nice touch is doing this after a clearing of the throat, which announces the person’s intention ahead of time.
Umbrella Etiquette. The purpose of the umbrella means you don’t need to walk under the awnings to stay dry. Unlike the people who don’t have umbrellas! Frigging stupid assholes!
On a more personal note-many thanks to ICBC for charging $35 to make a simple keyboard entry to cancel ones auto insurance. Who needs private insurance companies when government utilities can provide such service?
And special thanks to the Kerrisdale mom who has finally forced me to lose faith in the sensibilities of most people. A quick hint- when someone returns your lost wallet- it is common courtesy to at least thank the person responsible and give them a token reward for their time and effort-and a sideways glance that emotes disdain is not what I am thinking of.
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