My Tourette's is back

Hey sports fans, what kind of dumbass plans for the CFL Western Final to end right before a Canucks game? The BC Lions and the Canucks play right next door to one another; can you imagine the traffic snarl? Well, I was stuck right in the middle of it for over an hour trying to move 7 blocks. I was swearing up a storm and getting close to some serious road rage all because some idiot couldn’t stagger the sporting events a little better. This city really pisses me off sometimes. Oh, and why can’t people here merge properly?? One car goes, the next merges, one car goes, the next merges and so forth. It’s not really all that hard yet somehow, you people manage to F&$# it up on a daily basis!!!

The house of Christine

The man and I have bought a new place here in the ‘Couv which means that we have the joy of selling our current condo; pretty much as soon as we began the listing process, things started going wrong and our flat got all Christine on us. We had issues with the flooring, the baseboards, the soap dispenser in the kitchen, the window handle broke for no reason, etc. The last straw (so far) was when I went to take a shower as soon as I got home from my trip and the shower hose blew up spraying water all over the place with me screaming at it while scrambling to turn it off between fits of swearing and laughing; so not cool house, mmmkay?

** Oh, and how could I forget this! The man smashed the dining room light with his head by accident!

Pigpen Superhero

I thought that the ‘Couv had a lot of hobos but trust me when I tell you that San Fran has about 3 times the amount of hobos and 80% of them are completely bat shit crazy. I went out to lunch with 2 of my colleagues and on the cab ride back to the hotel we saw my favourite hobo of them all: Pigpen Superhero. This guy was standing against a newspaper box wearing some snazzy Bermuda shorts and a t-shirt. The guy was absolutely filthy but his t-shirt was interesting: it was normal in the back but he had cut the shirt from his chest down (only in the front) so his gut could have more room I guess….it ended up looking like a t-shirt cape hence the fancy nickname I have given him.

That Canadian Guy in SFO

Allstream threw a kickass “Canada Party” at the top of the Marriott Hotel tonight for all Canadian and Canadian-positive conference attendees. It included free booze and food until 7pm and the view was amazing. Best of all was they flew a Canadian comic down to entertain us all, Glen Foster (That Canadian Guy). Him and Rick Mercer are about the only 2 reasons to watch the CBC at all and he totally rocked the crowd. Afterward I went to thank him for the show and invited him out to dinner with our crew and sure enough, he came along! It was a great night with lots of laughs. It goes to show the difference between celebrities in Canada vs. the U.S. though.

Talk nerdy to me

We were having a pint of Anchor Steam in the hotel bar this evening when I looked over at another conference attendee browsing a magazine and I asked him “Hey, is that the Economist? Who reads that in a pub?” to which he replied “I don’t know who the bigger loser is here: me for reading the Economist in a pub or you for knowing that this is indeed the Economist.”

Watch out for poppies

So I flew down to San Francisco today to attend a conference for work. I made sure to not piss off the airport folks and painstakingly poured all of my shampoo, conditioner, face cleaner and various hair goo’s into 3 oz. containers and I put my lap top into a separate bin for the x-ray machine and took my shoes off before they had to ask me to do so. I thought I was pretty much the best traveler in the vicinity when all of a sudden, one of the chicks came up to me glaring away and snatched my Remembrance Day poppy off of my coat. Hey bitch, that cost me 2 bucks!! Plus today is actually Remembrance Day and I wanted to show my gratitude to those who made sacrifices for my freedom yet you crazy airport lady thought that I would use said pin to storm the cockpit, what complete nonsense.

The toys are making me dizzy

So the man and I are watching the news last night and there is a huge story about Aqua Dot toys being pulled off the shelves because they have GHB in them, that’s right, the date rape drug Rohypnol! Several mothers were interviewed in the US and Australia who’s kids had suffered the affects from putting the toys in their mouth. How many toys made in China have been pulled from our shelves this year due to high levels of lead and now GHB? It’s frightening to know what some companies are willing to compromise in order to save a few bucks.

None shall pass

So I call my Dr. today to make an appointment for a check-up for early December. I am greeted by the usual snarkiness that is Dr. M’s bitch of a receptionist/gatekeeper/troll who then proceeds to ask me what medical condition it’s for. What business is it of hers? It’s for a damn check up like I said. So then I ask for an appointment anytime in the first week of December to which she replies, “Well, my computer just crashed, can you call back in like a week?” Are you kidding me?? What is your f’ing problem lady? Could you not have told me about your ‘computer problem’ before asking me a million and one questions all for nothing? And why are you such a cow anyway?

Proletariat chariot

Why can huge metropolises such as New York City, Montreal and Toronto manage very effective and efficient public transportation systems, but the much smaller Metro Vancouver can't? I do find it ironic that Translink executives are aware and publically acknowledge that the transit system in Metro Vancouver and the Fraser Valley is not efficient. My advice to their senior management: fix it or lose your jobs. And if they want subsidized transportation, why not provide them with a free Translink pass - that's more than the rest of us get. Why should we support the executives who bypass the exact problem that thousands of riders struggle with daily in this city? Clearly, the Translink system is not good enough for them but is good enough for everyone else.

Sheeple

YAY many of you exclaimed when Serial Killer Harper, errr sorry, Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced that he was lowering the GST to 5%. It appears that most Canadians are indeed easily appeased. Why don’t you do something actually useful Mr. Harper and lower the personal income and business taxes? Anyone with a grasp of basic economics would tell you that this would be a wise move and would encourage more spending into the local economies as we would have a little more money in our pockets. Cutting the GST does not boost productivity whatsoever; it actually harms our competitive edge on a global playing field. How is that good for Canadians?

Money makes the world go round

I have known for some time that the 'Couv is an expensive city in which to live but I must say that this news article still shocked me. It talks about if you have ever wondered how you stack up financially against your neighbours. I personally do not talk about my exact salary unless it's with the man or my boss because it's nobody's business but to find out that a combined household net worth of 92K is the bottom threshold to be considered 'middle class' in this city is shocking. I know many couples who make less than this and have no debt load, I cannot imagine how people with a debt such as a student loan or credit card debt can ever truly get out of it. Many people are left with no choice but to carry interest fees, take out a loan, etc. It is human nature to want to 'keep up with the Joneses' but at what cost? I keep seeing the cost of living going up but wages remain steadfast, when is this disparity going to change?

Take me to your leader

I come to your Starbucks 5 times a week around the same time every day. Every time I arrive to your counter you give me and everyone else the most stunned look. You listen to us recite our orders and you shout them out to the barista completely wrong, every single time. Were you in an accident and did it affect your short term memory? If so, then please accept my apologies but I have a hunch that you’re just kinda slow. You wear your headband across your forehead instead of on the top of your head like nearly everyone else in the world does, trust me, it makes you look like even more of a space case. Basically, you're not pretty enough to be this stupid.

Seriously, what were they smoking?

Apparently the concept of gigantic animatronic dinosaurs in Stanley Park was a bad idea afterall. The Vancouver Park Board has finally shelved an absolutely retarded proposal to bring in up to 30 of the animatronic critters in a bid to attract more tourist dollars (as if the 'Couv does not have enough tourist scams/traps already). The idea was first announced in September and was met with almost universal ridicule. Stanley Park is stunning all on it's own, what in the hell were you thinking Vancouver Park Board?? Idiots.

I'm with stupid

So a girl walks by me this morning with a green shirt that says 'Everyone is stupider than me' and the old man beside me points to her and says “Now, what are the odds of that being true? Stupid.” Ha ha, good times.

Pissing away our resources

Vancouver is in a rainforest which means that it rains a LOT here. So why is it dear neighbor that in the midst of one of our famous downpours that I hear your in-ground sprinklers come on at 3 a.m. on a daily basis?? Your grass is already under an inch of water, can’t you forego the sprinklers until summer and stop wasting water and waking us all up with the hisssssssss of your sprinklers? Douchebag.

Facebook manners or lack thereof

Do you pillage your friends’ friends list in a vain attempt to bolster your own numbers to make yourself look cooler (a.k.a. a Facebook whore)? Do you add someone as a friend and then never follow up with a hello message or fail to return a hello message? Do you post group shots where you look fabulous but your friends look awful? People say that technology breeds poor manners but I think that it’s people with bad manners that are now in the public eye so their complete lack of manners and zero social skills are now out in the open for all to see. Whatever happened to basic manners people?

It's a wonderful day in the neighbourhood

The 'Couv was ranked the 2nd friendliest city in all of Canada. Obviously VANOC bribed the Reader’s Digest on this vote because I find the ‘Couv to be one of the rudest cities in all of Canada. East Coast and Prairie people are polite, warm and caring whereas Vancouverites push, shove, spit everywhere, let doors slam in your face, talk loudly on mobile phones anywhere and everywhere, etc. As I was walking up closer to the newspaper box proclaiming “We’re #2 in Politeness” some chick carrying a fake Coach handbag sideswiped me to push ahead of an older lady using a walker because she was not moving fast enough for her.

Stealing is bad

This is what happens when you steal. Idiot co-worker comes over to my desk while I am making tea in the kitchen and helps himself to the Listerine Pocketpacks by my phone. Luckily for me I get back just in time to see him peeling it off his tongue and making a horrible face when I inform him that those are Post It Note page tabs and not Listerine Pocketpacks...nice. That'll learn 'em.

Tired of you making me look bad

Listen up BMO; I pay off my credit card and line of credit religiously: on time, in full, all the time, every time. When I phone you in order to pay you, I always ask that you do the full pay out balance. Why is it then that I am hit with a fee every single month because your retarded telephone bill processors are complete idiots and only pay off the balance and not the payout balance? I have to phone and haggle with your management every month because of your incompetence and you make my credit look bad. I hate you with a passion BMO.

Home sweet home

This was prompted by a piece I saw on the news this evening: Why should the people of the Downtown East Side (DTES) be able to dictate where affordable housing should be located? I myself am a hardworking taxpayer who would like to live on Kits Beach; should the government pay for this also? If I could not afford to support myself in a certain area, I would have to move. I'm all for social housing but why does it have to be right downtown where the real estate is the highest thus costing us tax payers top dollar? Build it out in Abbotsford or Coquitlam. It might not be where you want to live, but it would be a real home instead of in a dirty alley. If you think it`s easy for the rest of us, you are obviously all on drugs. Most of us live pay cheque to pay cheque trying to make ends meet. The homeless are not the only people around trying to make a go of it. The money comes from us tax payers, it does not grow on trees. Personally, I would like to see my money put to good use instead of handing it over to a crack addict.