Things One Should Not Eat in Their Cubicle

The government has rules about scents and all things obnoxious in the work place so I was wondering why the private sector does not have the same? We work in cube farms too! I have compiled a list of all things obnoxious that I think should be banned if you work within 20 feet of someone:

- Apples (they are crunchy and loud and none of you can eat them quietly)
- Ice (don't chomp on it with your mouth open and WHY do you put ice in everything??)
- Tuna (it stinks people, THAT is why we have a lunch room)
- Anything that smells like burnt hair or roadkill
- Cheap cologne (I can tell you bought it at Sears, please, just have a shower and stop dousing yourself in that shit, seriously man)

Ode to the Migraine

Fuck You migraines. You are fucking brutal. However I appreciate the auras. If it wasn’t for the space between you and the mind-numbing onset of brutality, I wouldn’t have time to get so doped up that I thought elves were doing my laundry and asking me if I wanted to watch M*A*S*H with them. At least I have time to curl into the fetal position and pray for sweet mercy. So yeah, fuck you migraines.

You call this justice?

Tuan Nguyen laughing after being released?? Unreal. The crazy thing is that the judge gave him a reduced sentence because he "showed remorse". As Attorney General Wally Opal put it "For an offender to be walking out of the courthouse laughing at their sentence, the judge did not do their job and a review needs to be done". I am so glad that Global News got this on tape.

The Michael Levy case has made me so angry. An innocent boy at a party gets attacked from behind by 3 people: one punching him, one hitting his with a glass bottle and one hitting him with an axe in the back...he is now a quadriplegic and for what? To watch these 3 boys basically walk? Something needs to be done about our justice system, this just isn't fair.

Our system is weak

Our legal system got hijacked today and I think that we should let the Government know how we feel. More than 2,000 people showed up at Vancouver International Airport to protest the imminent deportation of Laibar Singh, a paralysed man who the government said entered the country illegally. The protesters surrounded Singh's taxi when it arrived, blocking off the road at the International departure area. Traffic was stalled, leaving passengers having to abandon cars at the entrance to the area. In the end, Border Services basically said 'screw it for now, he can stay and we'll deal with this later'. My question is, who exactly paying for this, my tax dollars?? This man FORGED documents to enter Canada! My compassion ends there.

Yes, Canada is a nation built on immigration; LEGAL immigration: waiting in a queue, filling out the correct forms, wanting to be part of the community. I have no respect for this man and he should have been sent home ages ago. Sorry but not everyone has a right to be here, you have to earn that right.

Raspberry Fatwa

What the hell Starbucks? I am seriously up in arms here. First you take away my beloved apricot raspberry thumbprint scone and now you also take away my backup, the whole wheat raspberry scone?? What is wrong with you people? Have you issued a fatwa against anything with raspberries in it or something??

You Know You’re Married When…

…you can chat about who’s toothbrush head is who’s for 15 minutes before you fall asleep and again for the first 5 minutes as soon as you both wake up. We have a lovely Sonicare toothbrush, which by the way totally kicks ass. Anyhow, the toothbrush heads have the coloured stripes on them so you know which one is yours. When we got these new heads, I chose green because it is my favourite colour and the husband got blue because blue is his favourite colour. Seems easy enough doesn’t it? Turns out the tricky guy has been using my toothbrush for who knows how many months now and we only found out last night this was the case…lots of finger pointing, laughing, etc. was had by all last night.

Our Nest

The man and I ventured into Vancouver real estate just over 2 years ago when we bought a cute little condo in the West End because we loved the location so much. We have now outgrown the place so we had to put our beloved nest up for sale while we were away on holidays (to save us the pain of having to clean like crazy on a daily basis). I am happy to report that the nest was only on the market for 2 days, received 4 offers and we sold for above the list price, WOOT. Gotta love the ‘Couv’s crazy-ass real estate market.

Business on the Islands

The man and I spent just over a week away on a tall ship cruise throughout the Caribbean. Needless to say, it was awesome, relaxing, fun and I can’t wait to go away again! I like to make fun of poor/interesting customer service in the ‘Couv but it took a holiday to remind me that crappy/strange service is everywhere. In Barbados we went to a gas station to buy water and sunscreen. We placed the items on the counter and the whale of a cashier refused to lean forward to grab the items from her sitting position on her stool. She asked us to move the items forward so she could scan them…way to get off your chair you lazyass.

The second example of interesting business practice took place beside the pool. A local strolled over with a bunch of aloe vera and a small machete and proceeded to try and rub my feet with aloe. I told him to stay away from my feet as I am ticklish and did not want aloe so he moved onto my man. He starts rubbing HIS feet with the aloe and when he starts objecting the local says “Don’t worry man; I’m not a gay boy”. Nice, good to know.

Chicago O'Hell

The man and I had to catch a connecting flight in Chicago's O'Hare airport today. We asked the nice lady at the American Airlines help desk where our connecting gate was and she sent us merrily on our way. When we got there it was obvious her directions were wrong. All of the information booths along the way were open with no one in them (verrrry helpful). Basically we spent an hour flat out running through O'Hare lost, trying to find help, asking people who worked there where to go. Finally we found a pilot and asked her and she lead us right to our gate as the last boarding call was announced. Why does the airport hire people to be 'ambassadors' when they obviously cannot find their own ass with their own two hands?

My Tourette's is back

Hey sports fans, what kind of dumbass plans for the CFL Western Final to end right before a Canucks game? The BC Lions and the Canucks play right next door to one another; can you imagine the traffic snarl? Well, I was stuck right in the middle of it for over an hour trying to move 7 blocks. I was swearing up a storm and getting close to some serious road rage all because some idiot couldn’t stagger the sporting events a little better. This city really pisses me off sometimes. Oh, and why can’t people here merge properly?? One car goes, the next merges, one car goes, the next merges and so forth. It’s not really all that hard yet somehow, you people manage to F&$# it up on a daily basis!!!

The house of Christine

The man and I have bought a new place here in the ‘Couv which means that we have the joy of selling our current condo; pretty much as soon as we began the listing process, things started going wrong and our flat got all Christine on us. We had issues with the flooring, the baseboards, the soap dispenser in the kitchen, the window handle broke for no reason, etc. The last straw (so far) was when I went to take a shower as soon as I got home from my trip and the shower hose blew up spraying water all over the place with me screaming at it while scrambling to turn it off between fits of swearing and laughing; so not cool house, mmmkay?

** Oh, and how could I forget this! The man smashed the dining room light with his head by accident!

Pigpen Superhero

I thought that the ‘Couv had a lot of hobos but trust me when I tell you that San Fran has about 3 times the amount of hobos and 80% of them are completely bat shit crazy. I went out to lunch with 2 of my colleagues and on the cab ride back to the hotel we saw my favourite hobo of them all: Pigpen Superhero. This guy was standing against a newspaper box wearing some snazzy Bermuda shorts and a t-shirt. The guy was absolutely filthy but his t-shirt was interesting: it was normal in the back but he had cut the shirt from his chest down (only in the front) so his gut could have more room I guess….it ended up looking like a t-shirt cape hence the fancy nickname I have given him.

That Canadian Guy in SFO

Allstream threw a kickass “Canada Party” at the top of the Marriott Hotel tonight for all Canadian and Canadian-positive conference attendees. It included free booze and food until 7pm and the view was amazing. Best of all was they flew a Canadian comic down to entertain us all, Glen Foster (That Canadian Guy). Him and Rick Mercer are about the only 2 reasons to watch the CBC at all and he totally rocked the crowd. Afterward I went to thank him for the show and invited him out to dinner with our crew and sure enough, he came along! It was a great night with lots of laughs. It goes to show the difference between celebrities in Canada vs. the U.S. though.

Talk nerdy to me

We were having a pint of Anchor Steam in the hotel bar this evening when I looked over at another conference attendee browsing a magazine and I asked him “Hey, is that the Economist? Who reads that in a pub?” to which he replied “I don’t know who the bigger loser is here: me for reading the Economist in a pub or you for knowing that this is indeed the Economist.”

Watch out for poppies

So I flew down to San Francisco today to attend a conference for work. I made sure to not piss off the airport folks and painstakingly poured all of my shampoo, conditioner, face cleaner and various hair goo’s into 3 oz. containers and I put my lap top into a separate bin for the x-ray machine and took my shoes off before they had to ask me to do so. I thought I was pretty much the best traveler in the vicinity when all of a sudden, one of the chicks came up to me glaring away and snatched my Remembrance Day poppy off of my coat. Hey bitch, that cost me 2 bucks!! Plus today is actually Remembrance Day and I wanted to show my gratitude to those who made sacrifices for my freedom yet you crazy airport lady thought that I would use said pin to storm the cockpit, what complete nonsense.

The toys are making me dizzy

So the man and I are watching the news last night and there is a huge story about Aqua Dot toys being pulled off the shelves because they have GHB in them, that’s right, the date rape drug Rohypnol! Several mothers were interviewed in the US and Australia who’s kids had suffered the affects from putting the toys in their mouth. How many toys made in China have been pulled from our shelves this year due to high levels of lead and now GHB? It’s frightening to know what some companies are willing to compromise in order to save a few bucks.

None shall pass

So I call my Dr. today to make an appointment for a check-up for early December. I am greeted by the usual snarkiness that is Dr. M’s bitch of a receptionist/gatekeeper/troll who then proceeds to ask me what medical condition it’s for. What business is it of hers? It’s for a damn check up like I said. So then I ask for an appointment anytime in the first week of December to which she replies, “Well, my computer just crashed, can you call back in like a week?” Are you kidding me?? What is your f’ing problem lady? Could you not have told me about your ‘computer problem’ before asking me a million and one questions all for nothing? And why are you such a cow anyway?

Proletariat chariot

Why can huge metropolises such as New York City, Montreal and Toronto manage very effective and efficient public transportation systems, but the much smaller Metro Vancouver can't? I do find it ironic that Translink executives are aware and publically acknowledge that the transit system in Metro Vancouver and the Fraser Valley is not efficient. My advice to their senior management: fix it or lose your jobs. And if they want subsidized transportation, why not provide them with a free Translink pass - that's more than the rest of us get. Why should we support the executives who bypass the exact problem that thousands of riders struggle with daily in this city? Clearly, the Translink system is not good enough for them but is good enough for everyone else.

Sheeple

YAY many of you exclaimed when Serial Killer Harper, errr sorry, Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced that he was lowering the GST to 5%. It appears that most Canadians are indeed easily appeased. Why don’t you do something actually useful Mr. Harper and lower the personal income and business taxes? Anyone with a grasp of basic economics would tell you that this would be a wise move and would encourage more spending into the local economies as we would have a little more money in our pockets. Cutting the GST does not boost productivity whatsoever; it actually harms our competitive edge on a global playing field. How is that good for Canadians?

Money makes the world go round

I have known for some time that the 'Couv is an expensive city in which to live but I must say that this news article still shocked me. It talks about if you have ever wondered how you stack up financially against your neighbours. I personally do not talk about my exact salary unless it's with the man or my boss because it's nobody's business but to find out that a combined household net worth of 92K is the bottom threshold to be considered 'middle class' in this city is shocking. I know many couples who make less than this and have no debt load, I cannot imagine how people with a debt such as a student loan or credit card debt can ever truly get out of it. Many people are left with no choice but to carry interest fees, take out a loan, etc. It is human nature to want to 'keep up with the Joneses' but at what cost? I keep seeing the cost of living going up but wages remain steadfast, when is this disparity going to change?