Robin Hood of Espresso

So I’m in the Starbucks queue this morning and it seemed just like every other day until this guy walks in. He was wearing a very nice suit, had great hair and he strolled up to the shelves where they sell stuff and he picks up an espresso machine and bolts out the door! Sirens are blaring outside from fire trucks and there are people everywhere and he is flat-out running down Burrard Street with a frickin’ espresso machine in his arms with the chord flying behind him. Most customers stood there stunned, I of course was laughing and 2 of the staff attempted to run after the guy. They of course didn’t catch him because everyone walking down Burrard St. at 8am is wearing a nice suit but really, how many of them were carrying espresso machines? Personally, I would have gone for the funky Italian orange machine or even the hella kewl Saeco myself but he chose the cheap-o Krups espresso machine *shakes head*

I don't want no scrubs

Now, I have spent more than my fair share of time in the hospital in the last few years for various surgeries, consultations, etc. and I had it in my head that hospitals are a sterile place so that people do not get any sicker than they already are. Then why is it that as I walk to work every day, the nurses and doctors from St. Paul's hospital are wandering the streets and frequenting Starbucks wearing their scrubs with their stethoscopes still hanging around their necks? Perhaps this is part of the reason why we keep hearing stories about infections spreading in the hospitals...it is because of the cooties the staff are bringing in because they're too lazy to change into street clothes when stepping out for some java or a smoke!

Blog Thief

I obviously have readers in Kits now..Don't rip off my posts ya bastard!

http://www.arbutuswalktalk.com/ titled "Umbrella Etiquette Refresher" Saturday March 24, 2007.

Does it perhaps remind you a bit of my umbrella etiquette rant posted on November 10, 2006? Hmmm at least give me some credit! Oh, and the West End is where it's at, Kits is not half as kewl :P

Stop raining already

20 straight days of rain make JJ go crazy..Seriously, I cannot take this rain any longer and if I could afford to, I would fly to Antigua or Mexico for some much needed sunshine and vitamin D. I keep hearing "well, we do live in a rain forest afterall...". No we don't, we live in a goddamn city!

They say that we are only a few cm's short of breaking the rain record for the Couv...Last time you people taunted me with that wonderful statistic and I actually almost encouraged the rain, we fell short by 6 cm's...I was crushed. Oh, and Mark Madryga from Global news, you're such a liar..When you said that it would be 'light showers' for the last week you should have said 'torrential downpour' instead. Are you really a meteorologist or do you just play one on tv? Pleeeeease make the rain stop.

My Visual DNA

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

I thought this was kinda fun, saw it on C.Y's blog.

Slutty Mommy Day

Thank Christ I got the hell out of Victoria before this sad day. It has been proclaimed Nelly Furtado Day in good ole’ Victoria today! Dear god…all I can really do is shake my head in disgust and be thankful she is not from Vancouver. Otherwise it would be her slutty mommy music on the radio ALL day long. Raw sewage, Nelly Furtado and Steve Nash…at least Steve Nash is kinda kewl.

Venice is Sinking

We went to the Spirit of the West show at the Commodore on Friday night to get into the Paddy’s Day spirit. The concert was fantastic, they played all of my songs and they came back for 2 encores. What is with people in this city though? It was not an all ages show, you had to be 19 (an adult!) to go to this show but of course, so many acted like complete idiots. Like, who crowd surfs at a frickin’ Spirit of the West concert?? We lost count at 27…There was this huge retaining wall and as soon as the surfers made it to there, they were literally smacked down by security guards and led outside. It got to the point that we were handing them to security as we were tired of being kicked in the head. Grow the hell up people. You wonder why city council cancels fun events every year, it’s because of idiots like you. If you can’t hold your liquor, stay home and don’t ruin the fun for the rest of us with your adolescent antics.

Colourful...and Lazy

Hang on, I am trying to work on my surprised face here. Can you believe it? Vandals have spray painted Vancouver’s beloved Olympic Countdown Clock *surprised face* Someone painted “Free Betty” in black paint all over it during the daytime yesterday. The message likely refers to the recent 10-month jail sentence handed down to Betty Krawczyk. She is the crazy hippie 78-year-old activist who went to jail over her objection to road construction at Eagleridge Bluffs in West Van (making the Sea to Sky highway less likely to kill foreign tourists during the Olympics).

Why keep this clock at ground level in front of the friggin' art gallery? I mean, we the people are paying 350K for 24 hour security and obviously, it ain’t working! We should put it on top of a building, float it on a barge out in the bay or better yet, remember that bus stop 2 years ago with that unbreakable glass? We should encase it in that! As Bruce Allen from CKNW said “If you can’t trust the populace to look after something, put it where they can’t get it. Isn’t that what our mothers did with the homemade chocolate chip cookies?”.

These anti-poverty, homes for all people should really stop protesting on a daily basis and take a peek at the jobs section in the Vancouver Sun…there are plenty of jobs out there and maybe they would have time to apply for them if they weren’t protesting 24/7.

Dog ate my fortune

So, I was at my mum and dad’s over the weekend and on the last night we ordered in some Chinese take away. I had just finished eating my fortune cookie and had put the fortune down on the coffee table to show my dad when all of a sudden Tasha (their Rottweiler) swooped down and ate my damn fortune! So does that mean that it won’t come true?

Balcony rapist should fall off the balcony

I have been following the Paul Callow story closely over the last week. Callow, known as the Balcony Rapist, has served his full sentence of 20 years in prison for a series of brutal, knifepoint sexual assaults on women in Toronto in the mid-1980s. Seeing as he was a native of BC, he was released in Greater Vancouver last week. He has already had to move 4 or 5 times as communities said “no way in hell can he live near us” and launched huge public protests. I am in full agreement that I would not want him living anywhere near me either. The kicker is this though, the parole board and every shrink who has ever talked to Callow says he is at a high risk of reoffending, he has not atoned for his crimes and he shows little to no remorse for what he did. How could they let this animal back into public when they all but said he will do it again?? Paul Bernardo will never see the light of day ever again and I think people like Callow should be in the same boat. I wonder if the parole officer who ultimately let him out would be willing to let Paul Callow rent out his basement suite with his own wife, mother and daughters in his home, hmmm.

No Time for the Olympics

For those of you not from Vancouver, I cannot even begin to describe just how bad the homeless situation here really is. It is absolutely out of control. People bus in from all over the country just to be homeless here. Also every time you turn on the tv in the Couv, there is some sort of protest taking place that more often than not centers around the social housing issue.

A few weeks ago the Olympic Committee unveiled this huge ass clock that serves as the official countdown to the Olympic and Paralympic games coming here in 2010. It was donated by Omega and although somewhat tacky, it does serve its purpose. The clock sits out in front of the art gallery so you could also call it art if you were so inclined.

Anyhow, so the homeless and homeless advocates are going apeshit over this goddamn clock now (are we really surprised??). They were protesting “Homes not Games” and a few got arrested trying to beat up the clock and throw eggs at it. So now the City of Vancouver (meaning you, me and the rest of the innocent taxpayers) have to shell out money via increased taxation to pay for round the clock ‘clock security’; the security costs are expected to come to an estimated 300K. And to think! That 300K could have gone toward the purchase and/or building of some decent social housing in the city instead of paying for a round the clock rent-a-cop to make sure you tards don’t destroy the stupid Olympic clock! Nice work as usual, idiots.

p.s. all credit goes to Mag for the awesome clock picture, ty ty ty.

C'est tout fucké

Last night we were taken to GM Place to see Van Morrisson play. I was more than happy to be subsidized as the tickets were 150$! The tickets themselves said that the start time was 7:30 PM, SHARP! I had never seen a ticket say that before so I figured that it would be important to be on time for this one.

We all arrived on time and who should sit directly in front of us? None other than BC’s former premier, Glen Clark! (the Fast ferries were allll him. Every time I drive in North Van and I see those Pacificat ferries just sitting there I want to kick a socialist..just kidding :P). I said hello to him and he seemed pleased that someone recognized him and did not have something snotty to say (mind you, I was thinking it, just not saying it).

So, the show starts a bit late and all of a sudden a band is playing, Van Morrisson walks onto the stage and they delve right into the music. No opening act, no hello, no nod, nothing…They play for just barely over an hour and then he just walks off!! He never said a word to the crowd, no thank you, no goodbye, just gone. People shouted for an encore for about 5 minutes and then the lights went off and back on and we were all told to go home. The 55 year old groupie sitting behind me who screamed “woooooo” every 17.5 seconds throughout the entire show seemed especially crushed. Even Glen Clark who is now making a huge salary working for Jimmy Pattison complained about the steep price of the ticket for what little show we got. Oh well, the 4 songs I recognized were played very well. So the rumour is true, Van Morrisson IS an asshole.

Chubby Bunny

Listen up! For those people who: slurp, chew with their mouth open, smack their gum, talk with food in their mouth and bite down on chips with their mouth still open, you should all be punished. I do not need to see what you are eating, I do not want to hear you talk with food in your mouth (do you know how gross it sounds?) and did you know that it makes you look like a goddamn hippo?? Especially in the office setting people…you truly disgust me and next time, your Doritos are going out the window, ya hear? I swear to god.

How Green is the Grass?

Some things I have noticed walking around the big bad streets of the Couv lately:

Why do girls (especially Asian girls) walk around carrying their lunches and spare shoes in paper bags from designer stores like Tiffany’s, Hermes, Gucci, etc.?

The ambulance who parks on Thurlow @ Robson every morning where it specifically says “No Parking” just so you can run into Starbucks to get yourself and your buddy a frappuccino. Not only are you are holding up traffic but you are also parked illegally and you take forever because you keep chatting up the baristas who are 20 years younger than you. And who drinks caramel frappuccinos with whipped cream at 8 a.m. anyway?

Metro newspaper lady on Bute and Robson. I walk by you every day and politely say “no thanks” to your rag of a newspaper. Your new tactic is to walk up to me and hit me in the shoulder with your paper; WTF is your problem anyway? I see you do it to others too, you should not work anywhere near people.

The garbage cans downtown with the little cup holder thingies to put aluminum cans and plastic bottles in (see picture above). Those are so the entrepreneurial hobos do not have to dig through the trash to get at those recyclables, they are not for you retards to put your discarded Starbucks paper cups into.

Narcissistic B-line people. Not all of us on the sidewalk are waiting for the loser cruiser. Step aside and let those of us taking the sidewalk home walk on the damn sidewalk, geeeez.

ESL students on Robson. You do not need to walk 6 abreast everywhere you go. I should not have to step out into traffic to get around you. Oh, a pick up your damn feet while you’re at it.

Bute St. liquor store alley lady with the kids BMX bike you so obviously ‘found’. If you hate your boyfriend sooo much and he is ‘such an asshole’ as I hear you shout every day, then dump him already. I hear you screeching and screaming at him every single day when all he is trying to do is get you out of the middle of the road. You are in the middle of a hissy fit every time I walk by you and you deal with your anger by either a) throwing your bike down in the middle of traffic or b) kicking the dumpster. Get some professional help or lay off the crack.

Scone Tease

Friggin’ Starbucks. They reel you in with tasty goodies, get you hopelessly hooked on something that you cannot get through your day without and then they take it away. I was so addicted to the new raspberry apricot thumbprint scones and now they are gone. They were only introduced last month and they have been yanked already. How could you do this to me Starbucks? Did you not see my pure glee once you handed that tasty treat over to me in that brown paper bag? It gave my morning a purpose and now you have ruined it; bastards.

Joined a Cult

I have always wanted a group to belong to, I mean reeeeally belong to... I have been cult-shopping for quite sometime now and I finally made the plunge and joined one that so far, has been going smashingly well; I bought a Mac!

My old Dell laptop had seen better days: it was slow, heavy and every time I played a cd, it would sound like a 747 taking off in my living room. I decided that enough was enough, I was going to buy a new laptop for myself. (Keep in mind that the old laptop was over 5 years old, it had a good life).

I shopped around for some time, waited for Vista to come out, went to store after store, read dozens of consumer reports and finally went with my gut instinct and bought a Macbook 15" widescreen. It was designed so a monkey can work it which is perfect for me as I am not tech savvy whatsoever. My IPod Nano and iTunes are in synch and eveyrthing just makes sense. From opening the box to set up, I was on the internet within 4 minutes and had nothing to install. Who knew computing could be so easy.

An Inconvenient Truth

So I was watching the CBC National news last night and towards the end there was a segment about reducing our C02 footprint. This week has been a complete news flurry re: global warming and how it really is all our fault (I thought we already knew that, but anyway). It started off interesting enough but then in true CBC fashion it moved to scare tactics and consulted with Fraser Institute-like organisations to obtain all of their information.

I am all for wind and solar power, turning down the heat, walking as much as possible, etc. I will not however do something like the 100 km diet where everything you eat must be locally grown within 100 km from your home because trucking and flying in food increases CO2 emissions; that’s just crazy talk.

There was a discussion of ‘offsetting’ your environmental missteps by calculating your C02 no no’s into something good for the environment. So, say I have to fly to Toronto for a business meeting. Well that produces a certain amount of C02 emissions and I can then calculate it and see that I should put about 80$ into something environmentally beneficial or sustainable such as wind or solar power, etc. Oh, but you can’t put it towards trees or reforestation because they say these are not sustainable due to logging (not a joke, one of the hippies actually said that). Same goes for driving your car, using electricity, etc. Sounds nice in theory but what do they want me to do? Walk to Toronto?? I mean, I could take the Greyhound but that is a diesel-guzzling bus and it idles all the time when picking and dropping off people (leaving a vehicle idling was a big no no on the World Wildlife Foundation top 10 list of things we are doing wrong).

I am all for the environment and I too am scared of global warming but what are we supposed to do? Quit our jobs because we cannot walk from Vancouver to Richmond (sorry but I cannot risk my C02 emissions footprint, I have to quit this job). Even though SiSi says that I am so going to turn into a Cat Woman in my dotage...eating frosting out of a can with thousands of cats and screaming at the tv, I cannot help but wonder just what in the hell are we supposed to do? I’m scared of global warming too.

http://www.canadafreepress.com/2007/global-warming020507.htm

Meth Princess

Oh my god I love browsing Craigslist sometimes:

I saw you on East Hastings Street Friday night around 8:30pm, you were playing with a piece of garbage and stomping your feet to the sound of a car's radio. I tried to start a conversation with you but you were very engaged with your piece of garbage. I found you delightful and would like to see more of you. I am not of the 'street variety' anymore but I have a bit of a fetish for 'riff raff' and find you to be one of the finest!

Location: E Hasting/Columbia

http://vancouver.craigslist.org/mis/271674160.html

Spilly Ninja

Most of you are probably not aware of this tidbit of information but I am in fact, part ninja. I can be unloading dishes from the dishwasher and drop a plate and BAM I can catch it midair and nothing gets broken. I never break glasses or mugs even though I almost drop them all because of my ninja skills. Many have complimented me on my lightening fast reflexes but one person in particular doubts my ninja lineage, and that person would be my man J.

I am like Batman….Normal most of the time but use my talents when need be. Batman saves people and I save dishes so yeah, I’m kinda like Batman AND a ninja.

Below is an actual MSN convo from today:
JJ: says:
what is Batman when he's not Batman? a millionare biz man or scientist??
SiSi says:
Millionaire biz man/philanthropist.
JJ: says:
excellllent, ty
SiSi says:
...although he does dabble in some crazy science experiments...but he gets help from Alfred, his man-servant.
JJ: says:
man servant? Alfred for scientist and Robin for Batman...how very gay
SiSi says:
No no no....Alfred is Batman/Bruce Wayne's Butler...also known as a manservant. He helps Bruce to create his gadgets.
JJ: says:
surrrrre he does
SiSi says:
But because Bruce Wayne is a multi-billionaire he gets some of his gadgets from other divisions of Wayne Enterprises that work on military contracts.
SiSi says:
But yeah...it's one big-ol kink-fest.
SiSi says:
Latex outfits and role-play.
JJ: says:
hmm I think I will go w/ the lego Batman pic for the good ole blog entry today...
JJ: gettin' me a Mac says:
ha ha you kill me

Without You, I Would Be Messy

I am a messy girl. No matter what I am eating I will leave some evidence of it because I am always dropping or spilling or knocking bowls/plates of food onto myself. Don't ask me how, it's a gift. You can't take me anywhere nice unless I am wearing all black! That was until my mum got me a Tide To Go stain remover stick for Christmas, boooya! Now I can eat everywhere and spill all I like. This thing is a godsend...thank you Tide Gods!