Donkey with a passport

So you have a rare form of tuberculosis, one which is highly contagious, resistant to treatment and you are placed on a no-fly list in the U.S. What would most people do upon a diagnosis such as this? Well I would hope that they wouldn’t board a commercial flight but that is exactly what this selfish bastard did via Canada. American citizen Andrew Speaker is now in isolation in a Denver hospital with XDR TC, which happens to be THE most dangerous form of the illness. He sat on several international flights possibly infecting dozens and dozens of innocent people all because he is a selfish, reckless asshat who did not want to rebook his honeymoon. I hope it was worth it Mr. Speaker! What the hell is wrong with people?

Too cool for school

Why do people ride their bikes around the big bad streets of the ‘Couv sans bike helmet? With the way people drive around here, you are basically asking for a free pass to GF Strong. I saw a guy today riding his bike past an alley near Burrard St. while messing with his MP3 player and he got smoked by a car coming out of the alley and went over the hood, ouch! Both were obviously not paying full attention to various goings on but the bike rider was not wearing a helmet and he’s lucky that he landed on his ass and not his head, idiot.

Goodbye

I received a call yesterday afternoon at work informing me that a very good friend of mine was found dead in his apartment on Tuesday morning. Not only was I shocked at the news of my friends passing but by the wording itself; most people say “passed away”, “no longer with us”, etc. but the way this news was delivered made it much more real and painful. As I walked home from work yesterday evening I reflected on our previous drinking holes, places we had all met up for coffee, apartments we drooled over imagining we were rich, arguing over who’s Vespa was cooler... Then it really hit me when I walked by the restaurant where we had celebrated his last birthday 2 months ago and I realised that there would be no more drinks on the patio together, no more MSN Messenger pep talks, no more hearing about the girl’s he was falling for and all I could feel was an incredible sense of emptiness and wonder why someone so young who loved life as much as he did was taken away. I am told that everything happens for a reason but it’s pretty hard to justify that right about now. C. we all love you, I hope you knew that. Miss you already, *hug*

Scare Canada

So yeah, we were bumped from our flight last night, given a few hundred USD each, put up in a hotel for the night and were compensated dinner last night. We were all moved to a direct Air Canada flight leaving at 7:20 am this morning back to Vancouver. The money was sure nice as it covered our b&b, food and shopping...not too shabby!

I have not flown Air Canada in quite some time but holy cheap piece of shit airline Batman...5.5 hour flight, NO meal service whatsoever and the only option food-wise was 7$: either a chicken fajita or a turkey swiss sub, both excellent options for a frickin' vegetarian, idiots. Had they told us there would be no food service, then I could have bought something but noooo, I was asked what sort of meal I wanted on the ground and got zilch in the air. Air Canada, you suck!

We are in with the Colombians

Pablo, the owner of the loft where we were staying has a girlfriend named Vanessa, from Colombia. She has this beloved cat named Chilca who lives in the flat and is friendly with everyone. She went missing sometime this morning and they were both devastated. We were talking with them about the cat but the time had come for us to grab a cab and get back to the airport. As I was telling them that the cat knows the smell of it's litterbox and maybe they should put it on the porch for her to come back, Pablo went running outside with her litterbox and Vanessa got on the phone ordering us a cab. Within 5 minutes a black Lincoln Towncar pulled up and took our bags...I was told to never take these pirate taxis as they can rip you off but this guy charged almost 20$ less than the cab on the way in and the ride was much nicer. Because of my cat fnding skills we are now 'in' with the Colombian cartel I think.

Cathay Pacific overbooked the flight back to Vancouver so us and 5 other people from Vancouver have been bumped and will have to take an Air Canada flight first thing in the morning, I shall keep you posted.

UPDATE: Chilca's back! Perhaps it was my litterbox trick or just some plain pure luck but the cat from the B&B in Brooklyn came back. The hosts e-mailed me the other morning thanking me for my cat finding trick as they found her meowing in her litterbox by the front door. Yes, I am the cat whisperer.

Broccoli & Ass...

...or, how in the hell do you fu&$ up a veggie burger? We wandered around NY like mofo's today going everywhere we could via subway and on foot. From Brooklyn to Soho, Nolita to Little Italy and Greenwich Village back to Midtown...you get the point. It was also pouring rain like we should start building an ark so when dinner time finally rolled around, we wanted to get in somewhere with no queue and just eat something! We were in Times Square and for some stupid reason, we chose to eat at Planet Hollywood. I ordered a veggie burger and waited patiently to chow down on this much deserved meal. When it finally arrived I stared down at it pensively...it appeared to have a very strange texture and was as green as the outside of a watermelon, how very odd I thought to myself. Anyhow, I took a bite of it and almost threw up on my plate, this was vile, this was ass. I choked down a bit more before I could finally convince Jacob to try it. We decided it tasted like broccoli and ass, it was the most disgusting thing I have ever eaten. I told the waiter how bad it was and he came back about 5 minutes later and said this: "My manager says we are paying for your dinner this evening. He says that he hates this veggie burger too and is surprised you choked down as much of it as you did...". Gawd, then take it off the fu&*ing menu already!

No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn

While in NYC, we are staying at a small artist loft/bed and breakfast in Williamsburg, Brooklyn (just across the bridge from Manhattan). When we pulled up late last night I was wondering what I had gotten us into just to save a few bucks; the place was full of graffiti, the addresses were painted on the brick and it looked very industrial. Luckily upon meeting the Argentinian owner of the flat, Pablo, we were reassured everything is safe and is in fact a great neighbourhood. The place is full of South American art and the llama blankets on the bed are also very cozy.

We were touring around Midtown today and Jacob remembered that he had left his knapsack in Starbucks oh only...37 blocks away! Somehow we hoofed it back on the subway faster than the Flash and made it back to the Starbucks in question and they had it safe and sound. Boy was he lucky! We should buy lottery tickets.

On a bonus note today, the man saw his first New York City subway rat! Now he can say that he has really seen the real NYC.

JFK is in my nightmares

So the man and I headed off to New York City this evening for a wee vacation. We joined a Cathay Pacific flight en route from Hong Kong to Vancouver with NYC being the final destination. For the duration of the entire 5 hour flight, we had a baby boy behind us and a baby girl in front of us screaming the entire flight: take off to landing and everything in between. One sounded as if it was being murdered and the other as if it were being boiled alive, it was truly awful and I felt bad for the parents, the babies themselves and all of us slumming it in cattle class. Once we landed at JFK we had to wait almost an hour for our luggage to arrive at the carousel. In the hour while we waited, we were hipchecked, kicked and stomped on by dozens of old Asian ladies running after their sacks full of heavy luggage, don't they have proper suitcases in China? Seriously, those sacks kept busting apart and that is what held the rest of us up.

Just can’t handle the jandal

It's an epidemic, I see women dressed impeccably from the ankles up, and then they're wearing flip flops. How can these people think flip flops look OK for anyplace except the beach??? There is a time and a place for them, and the office most certainly isn't it. Not only does it convey an unprofessional impression at the office, but the flips complete lack of foot support is bad for your feet and arches. Plus the slapping noises they make when people walk around the office is enough to drive anyone mad. So please leave your filthy flip flops at home and only bring them out for the beach. Trust me, no one at your office wants to see your dirty feet, nice pedicure or not.

Overheard in Fairport

My work colleague, Paul was telling me about an experience his wife had back in their hometown in New York State:

So Beth is walking past two guys sitting on a bench outside the Dollar Tree in Fairport, NY and overhears the following:
“I must have some kind of ‘dar. I attract retards.”

I have a ‘dar as well; I have a psycho ‘dar as I seem to attract various psychos on the Skytrain and everywhere else possible. Question is, what kind of ‘dar do you have?

Miso-Honey

Our American colleagues were in town throughout this week for work and we always try to show them a good ole’ Canadian time during their stays here in the Great White North. I need not mention the Roxy as that goes without saying but some memorable times last night over dinner at Coast include:

Ba-jah Fa-jit’ah’s…the waitress was asked to recommend a good appetizer and she couldn’t even pronounce “Baja” properly…whenever she walked by we made sure to pronounce the ‘j’ in words like Baja, fajitas, mojitos, etc.

One of the dishes on the menu was Miso-Honey Sablefish so of course we had to keep pronouncing it a la Full Metal Jacket “me so horny” became ‘me-so hhhhoney’

Reflecting upon our pal Amber who could not be here this trip re: the perfect woman according to Amber: “Mar’s legs, J.J’s ass and my breasts!”. We all chuckled over this and then Adi asks, “But with who’s brain?” and Paul W. answered “Mark’s!”. Laughter of course erupted (at least Mark laughed as well).

Paul W. upon realizing after all these months that I am a vegetarian: “J.J. you’re a vegetarian?? How could I not know? But you have the heart of a carnivore!”.

Of Seagulls and Trespassing

I was walking to work this morning and as I walked out of my building I could hear my neighbour shrieking and cussing somebody out. As I rounded the corner, I could see she was in her bathrobe chasing some old Chinese lady and her middle aged accomplice out of her yard. They were loaded down with Ikea bags full of bottles and whatever else they could scrounge out of peoples recycling bins. She chased them down Harwood Street, cussing and threatening them and they hopped into a decent looking BMW and took off. Granted it was not a new BMW but still, save the bottles for the real poor and stay the hell out of our friggin’ yards. Different story if it’s on the curb but if you have to scale a fence or open a gate, dude, that’s trespassing.

Don’t mess with me or I’ll hex you up

Si Si has an amazing ability to put hexes on people. When we put our offer on our condo, we lost out to another couple and I was beyond heartbroken. Si Si put a hex on them and 3 days later we got the call that their financing fell through and the place was ours. So I had him put his hexing ability to the test again the other day and voila, it worked again. The situation was a tough one and required some serious Si Si intervention and once again I am grateful for Si Si’s amazing powers.

Discoball

So I went for lunch today at the Discoball in Bentall (it’s actually called Fresh but because of the huge discoballs hanging from the ceiling, we affectionately call it Discoball instead). They were blaring some James Brown followed by some Bob Marley and as I was paying for my tomato garden burger and seafood pasta I couldn’t help but wonder what Rena was up to right now. Having a nap, walking around with her new daughter or just chilling at home…Rena if you’re out there, Discoball just ain’t the same without you *le sigh*.

Dea’s Big Adventure

Headed off on a wee cruise for my cousins bachelorette this weekend and I had a ball. Her co-workers are a lot of fun and it makes me almost wish I too worked in the travel industry! Anyhow, we drank our weight in vodka/soda, chi chi’s and blue Hawaiians and hit the dance floor with as much energy as we could give. I think it was a pretty good send off for Dea and I can’t wait for her big fat Ukrainian wedding in June.

The 2 hour queue to get to U.S. customs and the hour wait in YVR on the way back for Canadian Customs sucked though.

Splish Splash

Even though I am sitting at my desk completely soaked from mid-thigh down because of the torrential rain, I actually have something nice to say today; a big shout out to public transit! When walking to work, most of us are in a bit of a sleepy daze so I appreciated the busses honking at people to step back a bit from the curb or else they would get splashed. Thanks for looking out for us soaked, cranky and sleepy pedestrians. Yay public transit!