Oh no you didn't

I knew that the bus would be a complete goldmine for my blog; here’s what went down earlier today. I was riding to a meeting around 6pm on the #19 from Chinatown to Downtown and this really gross looking wheelbo rolls onto the bus. As he is wheeling off at his stop on Pender/Hornby this huuuuuge Black woman starts pointing at the floor and shouts out “Oh hell no. Oh NO you didn’t!” to which the bus driver whips around to see what gives and says “Dude! You not be gettin’ on my bus no more you hear? Dis is da second time you be takin’ a whiz on my bus dis week! It ain’t right man, it ain’t right”. To which the urine-soaked wheelbo gives him the finger and says that it wasn’t him.

Our tax dollars at work

I know that it’s tax time here in the Great White North and I am pretty sure that about 90% of the country is slightly on edge about it, but does that give you any reason to be a complete f’ing beeyatch to me on the phone Miss CRA? The Government of Canada owes me a few grand this year and when I called to change my banking direct deposit information with them, they claim to have never had banking info for me in the first place. When I asked her how it magically appeared in my account for the last oh…10 years or so she said “I don’t know, you tell me.” Nice, that was totally worth being on hold for 17 minutes for.

Private Snowball

Getting up to attend an intense workout five times a week is probably hard for some; I, on the other hand, have learned to *begrudgingly* embrace the challenge. I've also gained a deeper appreciation for sleeping in until 7am on Fridays and Sundays (the non-bootcamp sunrises).

What has been perhaps the most challenging for me is trying not to come up with excuses/outright lies for trying to get out of this with my trainer. There are days that I really want to slack each time she turns her back on me but I don't want to show weakness; Sofie feeds off of my weakness. So, I push myself as hard as I possibly can even though it hurts like hell and my legs are screaming “Noooo.” I can’t believe that I’m paying for this but I am determined to fit into the awesome jeans that I bought in Seattle.

Were you raised in a barn?

I am all about etiquette. As most of you know, I have many peeves, perhaps too many but they are my peeves nonetheless. Instant messaging is my latest annoyance. If you are listed as ‘online’ for the last week and do not have the decency to reply to my quick message, well then screw you. The internet and the communication within, gives us the aura of being endlessly busy - so people tend to think that they can easily get away with being rude. If you work in an office then I will of course excuse you from this rant but some of you have no excuse for being so rude. If you are in fact as busy as you claim to be, then change your status to busy or offline; surely you can find the 1.5 seconds of time in your day to do that.

New meaning to recycling

As said by our contractor today as he disposed of our "urban fireplace" in the alley behind our condo: "Thats what I love about Vancouver, you can just leave shit in the alley and the hobos will take care of it." Amen to that and it's SO true!

Talkie talkie

Everyone and their dog has a cell phone these days and everyone seems to talk on them on the bus. That's fine, whatever, but why do you feel the need to talk so obnoxiously like you're trying to impress everyone with "this meeting you had today," "this meeting you had last week" and "this meeting you're probably having tomorrow." Trying to make it sound like you're some hot-shot in a high-rise with a powerful job when the truth is, we all know your little secret. If you were a hot-shot in a high rise then what the fuck is your ass doing riding the bus? We all know you're a shift leader at Burger King or a receptionist at a law firm so why don't you just shut the fuck up already and stop annoying us with your constant blathering.

Le freak, c'est chic

Starbucks on Main and 14th: there is a hobo who wanders around here with a boom box blaring out really cheesy Euro-French techno. He is about 50 years old, filthy, wears overalls and completely rocks out to his tunes for the enjoyment of everyone at Starbucks. You truly rule, keep on dancing my friend.

#19 bus

It was only a matter of time before I found this out for myself; the freak to normal person ratio on any given bus route in Vancouver becomes heavily skewed toward the former as your bus gets closer to the East Side of the downtown core. I was riding the bus home today and this freak show jumps on and sits across from me. He keeps pulling his shirt on and off, turning it inside out and then back again while muttering under his breath about how sexy he was. Then he jumps up and starts running up and down the length of the bus with his hands down his pants screaming “I’ve got my hands down my pants people! Yep that’s right boys and girls, hands down my pants!” The bus driver finally came onto the P.A. system and said “Excuse me Mr. Hands Down Your Pants, that’s great…now please sit down!” Ahh good times.

Silicon Valley

Holy moly depressing Batman. I was in the Silicon Valley this week for work (Santa Clara to be exact). I have never seen so many buildings left empty, for lease/sale, deserted parking lots...The place seriously looked like Armageddon. My taxi driver was a former engineer at Oracle and the guy who fixed the air conditioning in a colleague’s room was a former tech writer for Citrix who was recently let go. I remember when friends of mine flocked down to Silicon Valley for awesome tech jobs, now I see why they have all migrated back to Canada. It just goes to show that this recession is either here or imminent.

San Francisco

I had to fly down to California for work so I booked an early flight and hung out in the big city with my pal Yas aka the best SF tour guide. I rode into town on the BART and met up with Yas in her wicked Mexican Mission area neighbourhood. We wandered the shops around Haight-Ashbury and checked out the local parks. We made it over to Golden Gate Park and as Yas predicted, we were offered drugs within the first 10 feet of hippie hill. Some guy wandered up with a huge wad of weed and some other guy shouted out something about white girls and marriage proposals. I enjoyed soaking up some rays and even got a little sunburn. I love this town.

East Side Girl observations

Well, we are moved in and somewhat settled. Our new neighbours rock, everyone in this building is genuinely friendly and welcoming. Things that are different so far though:

- In the West Side, all money transactions are done with credit/debit cards. In the East Side, they like to pay for everything with cash: preferably nickels, dimes and pennies. Takes for friggin’ ever!

- The majority of people here dress like they just rolled out of bed. In the West Side, people dressed up even to take out the garbage. In the East Side you can walk around in your pj’s with smeared mascara under your eyes and no one seems to notice.

- You can park on residential streets in the East Side and not worry that you will be towed for sporting the wrong colour triangle on your windshield…oh how I hated Kits people who thought they could park in the West End, the nerve of some people!

- In the East Side, people pick up their dogs crap, not so in the West Side…no, people are far too chi chi to scoop that off the sidewalk.

No more West End girl

Well it’s official. We sold our condo in the West End and have moved East Side (barely though as people keep telling me, only by 1 block). It is truly the end of an era. I will miss the Sea Wall, my upstairs neighbor Jodi, Punchy and his blankie, Punchy wielding his can of Wildcat while looking menacingly at pedestrians, being able to walk to work and the safety of being in the Gaybourhood. Oh well, it’ll all be good in the new hood I am sure.

BC Ferries advertising

We were watching the hockey game and noticed a BC Ferries ad by the Canucks bench. Why the fuck is BC Ferries wasting money on advertising? It’s not like you can take a different ferry company over to the island, BC Ferries is a monopoly. How about spending that advertising (aka tax payer's) money to improve your services or lower fares for Christ’s sake; now THAT would actually make sense!

Overheard at the office

Says my cube mate this morning: "I fell asleep with mini pizzas in the oven last night. I woke up because my landlady was banging on my door. Now all my clothes smell like burnt mini pizza".

Woe is the Couv

The rains were biblical last night. Pretty much every hobo in the West End sought shelter near our building around 4am and I could hear them scrapping over bottles, carts and dry, covered space. I woke up extremely tired and cranky and then realized that the biblical rains had also turned our usually yummy Vancouver water, brown. Yeccch not again*rolls eyes*

Oink oink goes the pig

If you partake in the pleasure that is your office kitchen (the fridge, sink, microwave, etc.), here are some ground rules:

* If you leave evidence of your presence, clean it up. It’s really not all that difficult. Stop leaving your dishes in the sink for someone else to clean up, your mother does not live here and if she did, she says ‘you’re an adult, stop living like a pig!’

* Seriously, stop microwaving fish in the microwave, it stinks!!

* Your yogurt has been in the fridge for 6 months, please stop keeping your science experiments near my edible food.

* You walk into the kitchen and the kettle is boiling and you didn’t set it. That means, someone is ahead of you in line for hot water so don’t drain the entire kettle for your bucket of hot chocolate, take some and leave the rest…were you raised in a barn?

* Who threw the wash cloth and dish scrubber into the recycling bin this morning? This stuff does not grow on trees and we all use it, don’t be selfish and ruin it for others.

Do I look wealthy to you?

Cheap people piss me off. Some people never seem to have money on them yet feel perfectly comfortable eating, drinking and sharing cabs at the expense of others. The only thing more annoying than a cheap person is a cheap couple. Come on, you all know one…the couple that sits across from you and when the bill arrives, they start whispering to each other and take turns going to the washroom and don't even make an attempt to reach for their wallet. Nice try, cough up your half already. What is up with cheap people? Do they have no dignity and conscience at all?

Energy vampires

I was reading an interesting article about the topic of energy vampires this afternoon. My New Year’s resolution last year was to distance myself from such people and this year’s resolution was to actually stick by it and not take crap from such people. It seems that I had surrounded myself around some very jealous, bitter and downright obnoxious people who did nothing but stress me out. Since shedding said people from my life I have been happier, sleep better at night and don’t miss these handful of people in my life at all. It’s elating to not have someone take you down and make you feel bad for what you have accomplished and instead are supportive and genuine people.

Come undone

Grrrr what is with shoddy clothing these days? I bought a really nice pair of pants from Banana Republic the other day for about 100 bucks. One would think that BR has some nice quality stuff but I wore the pants once and the hems came unraveled already. This happens to all my pants lately, what’s up with that??

Techno fiends

I realise that I live in the Gaybourhood (Davie St. Village area, West End, Vancouver) but can someone please answer me a question that has been bothering me for quite some time? Why do all the businesses on Davie St. blast techno music from every shop at all hours of the day? I have more gay friends than the average person but my friends are not techno-exclusive so why all the friggin' techno? Sometimes it's nice rocking out on a Monday morning at 7:30 to some techno walking by the KFC but come on, can we mix it up a bit already?