East Van traffic light

My trainer gave me a lift downtown after a particularly brutal session this morning. We came up to the Main St. and Broadway intersection and there was this hobo standing in the middle of our lane on a green light. He had a huge garbage bag full of cans and bottles and was making zero attempt to move his ass of out traffic anytime soon. Sofie tapped her horn a bit to get him to move and he jumps up all startled and wanders over to the half open passenger window. He says “Do you have any toilet paper?” We both look at each other like ‘huh?’ He pauses and yells “Cause you scared the CRAP out of me!” He said it so matter of fact that we just cracked right up and continued on our adventure to downtown.

Offensive much?

So we’re at the Liberal Party Policy Convention this weekend and the Van Centre Mafia rolls into the Young Liberal hospitality suite a.k.a. the place with free beer. They pride themselves on being oh so edgy and they really outdid themselves this year. They had stickers made up that said: It’s a genocide, stupid. Now I know that Darfur is a huge fiasco right now but some of us found that sticker to be a wee bit over the top. So we coined a new phrase that is equally offensive and have decided that we should bust out next convention on a sticker: It’s the Holocaust, MOFO. Beauty.

Captain Obvious

I have a work colleague who I like to call Captain Obvious. This person has far too many annoying tendencies to fit into one posting but they do things such as the reading out of front page news on a near hourly basis as if they are the first to stumble across every story. This person also loves to read company-wide e-mail out loud to everyone as if we are not already reading that very same e-mail. Today they came bouncing in exclaiming “So hey guys, did you know that there’s going to be a fire drill today?” Gee, what gave that one away Captain Obvious? Was it the huge fuck off sign in the lobby of our building that everyone must pass to get onto the elevators? How about telling us something that we don’t already know? That or can you just stop talking, please? Even for just a little while? *sigh*

Don't bite the hand that steers you

The morning bus is always soooo crowded; by the time the #19 rolls up to my stop, I consider myself lucky if it picks up more passengers instead of displaying the usual ‘Sorry, Bus is Full’ sign. Today was a muggy day outside, mid-20s or so outside and we were all crammed in like sardines. The bus driver had the heat cranked right up so it felt like we were in a sauna and not on our way to work. One guy yells out “Dude, can you pleeeeease turn the heat down? We are roasting to death in here man!” The bus driver shouts back “My bus, my business”. Cranky, over-heated passenger responds “Fucking asshole” to which bus driver replies mockingly “You're the fucking asshole.” Nice…

A mini-van does not a good parent make

What is with people who think that their children will grow up to be good at sports when they themselves are clumsy, awkward and out of shape? I do not get this mentality whatsoever. “Oh look at Junior! The way they kicked that toy that I put right in front of them, they are totally going to be in the World Cup one day!!” Yeah friggin’ right. There is a small chance that it may happen but really, it’s highly unlikely.

What up with Austria?

So a dad in Austria goes into massive debt and decides to ‘spare’ his family the shame of his wrongdoings by hacking them all up with an ax? What in the hell is going on in Austria as of late? Several weeks ago, the news was rampant with the story about the psychopath guy who imprisoned his daughter for 24 years and fathered 7 children with her. Then back in 2006 in Austria, there was the sensational story about the 8 year imprisonment of Natascha Kampusch who finally managed to escape from her captor. I am beginning to wonder if there is something in the water over there; small country, copious amounts of crazy people.

Me so hungry

So the man and I made our compulsory monthly visit to Costco this evening to pick up our standard V-8, San Pellegrino water, ¼ wheel of smoked gouda, fish and everything else to make our lunches with. I was a good girl and walked by all of the free samples and did not even stop to look at the DVD’s or kitchen gadgets. While in the queue to pay though, I could not help but notice this hippie mother and father with their two kids in tow. The children were both extremely well behaved but the parents certainly weren’t. The mother had tins of mixed nuts, pricey cashews, a bag of cheese buns, a box of Goldfish crackers and a tub of peanut butter all opened and was digging into them one by one with her bare hands and snacking, all before she paid for everything! The cashier looked on in utter disgust as she dug into the peanut butter and licked it off of her fingers while pressing the debit button keypad. I can see busting out some crackers for a screaming toddler or whatever but everything in her cart was open and SHE was the one eating it, not the toddler. Way to set a good example momma.

Be strong J.J., be strong

I have never really been one to eat crap but now that I am in the middle of my fitness regime trying to get myself summer-ready, I am finding my co-workers snacking habits to be that much more irritating. With a constant array of corn nuts, chips, Coke and candy, you guys are making it reeeeally difficult for me to stick to my diet. Cubeland has never been more miserable.