Oh no you didn't

I knew that the bus would be a complete goldmine for my blog; here’s what went down earlier today. I was riding to a meeting around 6pm on the #19 from Chinatown to Downtown and this really gross looking wheelbo rolls onto the bus. As he is wheeling off at his stop on Pender/Hornby this huuuuuge Black woman starts pointing at the floor and shouts out “Oh hell no. Oh NO you didn’t!” to which the bus driver whips around to see what gives and says “Dude! You not be gettin’ on my bus no more you hear? Dis is da second time you be takin’ a whiz on my bus dis week! It ain’t right man, it ain’t right”. To which the urine-soaked wheelbo gives him the finger and says that it wasn’t him.

Our tax dollars at work

I know that it’s tax time here in the Great White North and I am pretty sure that about 90% of the country is slightly on edge about it, but does that give you any reason to be a complete f’ing beeyatch to me on the phone Miss CRA? The Government of Canada owes me a few grand this year and when I called to change my banking direct deposit information with them, they claim to have never had banking info for me in the first place. When I asked her how it magically appeared in my account for the last oh…10 years or so she said “I don’t know, you tell me.” Nice, that was totally worth being on hold for 17 minutes for.

Private Snowball

Getting up to attend an intense workout five times a week is probably hard for some; I, on the other hand, have learned to *begrudgingly* embrace the challenge. I've also gained a deeper appreciation for sleeping in until 7am on Fridays and Sundays (the non-bootcamp sunrises).

What has been perhaps the most challenging for me is trying not to come up with excuses/outright lies for trying to get out of this with my trainer. There are days that I really want to slack each time she turns her back on me but I don't want to show weakness; Sofie feeds off of my weakness. So, I push myself as hard as I possibly can even though it hurts like hell and my legs are screaming “Noooo.” I can’t believe that I’m paying for this but I am determined to fit into the awesome jeans that I bought in Seattle.

Were you raised in a barn?

I am all about etiquette. As most of you know, I have many peeves, perhaps too many but they are my peeves nonetheless. Instant messaging is my latest annoyance. If you are listed as ‘online’ for the last week and do not have the decency to reply to my quick message, well then screw you. The internet and the communication within, gives us the aura of being endlessly busy - so people tend to think that they can easily get away with being rude. If you work in an office then I will of course excuse you from this rant but some of you have no excuse for being so rude. If you are in fact as busy as you claim to be, then change your status to busy or offline; surely you can find the 1.5 seconds of time in your day to do that.

New meaning to recycling

As said by our contractor today as he disposed of our "urban fireplace" in the alley behind our condo: "Thats what I love about Vancouver, you can just leave shit in the alley and the hobos will take care of it." Amen to that and it's SO true!

Talkie talkie

Everyone and their dog has a cell phone these days and everyone seems to talk on them on the bus. That's fine, whatever, but why do you feel the need to talk so obnoxiously like you're trying to impress everyone with "this meeting you had today," "this meeting you had last week" and "this meeting you're probably having tomorrow." Trying to make it sound like you're some hot-shot in a high-rise with a powerful job when the truth is, we all know your little secret. If you were a hot-shot in a high rise then what the fuck is your ass doing riding the bus? We all know you're a shift leader at Burger King or a receptionist at a law firm so why don't you just shut the fuck up already and stop annoying us with your constant blathering.

Le freak, c'est chic

Starbucks on Main and 14th: there is a hobo who wanders around here with a boom box blaring out really cheesy Euro-French techno. He is about 50 years old, filthy, wears overalls and completely rocks out to his tunes for the enjoyment of everyone at Starbucks. You truly rule, keep on dancing my friend.

#19 bus

It was only a matter of time before I found this out for myself; the freak to normal person ratio on any given bus route in Vancouver becomes heavily skewed toward the former as your bus gets closer to the East Side of the downtown core. I was riding the bus home today and this freak show jumps on and sits across from me. He keeps pulling his shirt on and off, turning it inside out and then back again while muttering under his breath about how sexy he was. Then he jumps up and starts running up and down the length of the bus with his hands down his pants screaming “I’ve got my hands down my pants people! Yep that’s right boys and girls, hands down my pants!” The bus driver finally came onto the P.A. system and said “Excuse me Mr. Hands Down Your Pants, that’s great…now please sit down!” Ahh good times.

Silicon Valley

Holy moly depressing Batman. I was in the Silicon Valley this week for work (Santa Clara to be exact). I have never seen so many buildings left empty, for lease/sale, deserted parking lots...The place seriously looked like Armageddon. My taxi driver was a former engineer at Oracle and the guy who fixed the air conditioning in a colleague’s room was a former tech writer for Citrix who was recently let go. I remember when friends of mine flocked down to Silicon Valley for awesome tech jobs, now I see why they have all migrated back to Canada. It just goes to show that this recession is either here or imminent.

San Francisco

I had to fly down to California for work so I booked an early flight and hung out in the big city with my pal Yas aka the best SF tour guide. I rode into town on the BART and met up with Yas in her wicked Mexican Mission area neighbourhood. We wandered the shops around Haight-Ashbury and checked out the local parks. We made it over to Golden Gate Park and as Yas predicted, we were offered drugs within the first 10 feet of hippie hill. Some guy wandered up with a huge wad of weed and some other guy shouted out something about white girls and marriage proposals. I enjoyed soaking up some rays and even got a little sunburn. I love this town.

East Side Girl observations

Well, we are moved in and somewhat settled. Our new neighbours rock, everyone in this building is genuinely friendly and welcoming. Things that are different so far though:

- In the West Side, all money transactions are done with credit/debit cards. In the East Side, they like to pay for everything with cash: preferably nickels, dimes and pennies. Takes for friggin’ ever!

- The majority of people here dress like they just rolled out of bed. In the West Side, people dressed up even to take out the garbage. In the East Side you can walk around in your pj’s with smeared mascara under your eyes and no one seems to notice.

- You can park on residential streets in the East Side and not worry that you will be towed for sporting the wrong colour triangle on your windshield…oh how I hated Kits people who thought they could park in the West End, the nerve of some people!

- In the East Side, people pick up their dogs crap, not so in the West Side…no, people are far too chi chi to scoop that off the sidewalk.

No more West End girl

Well it’s official. We sold our condo in the West End and have moved East Side (barely though as people keep telling me, only by 1 block). It is truly the end of an era. I will miss the Sea Wall, my upstairs neighbor Jodi, Punchy and his blankie, Punchy wielding his can of Wildcat while looking menacingly at pedestrians, being able to walk to work and the safety of being in the Gaybourhood. Oh well, it’ll all be good in the new hood I am sure.