No Time for the Olympics

For those of you not from Vancouver, I cannot even begin to describe just how bad the homeless situation here really is. It is absolutely out of control. People bus in from all over the country just to be homeless here. Also every time you turn on the tv in the Couv, there is some sort of protest taking place that more often than not centers around the social housing issue.

A few weeks ago the Olympic Committee unveiled this huge ass clock that serves as the official countdown to the Olympic and Paralympic games coming here in 2010. It was donated by Omega and although somewhat tacky, it does serve its purpose. The clock sits out in front of the art gallery so you could also call it art if you were so inclined.

Anyhow, so the homeless and homeless advocates are going apeshit over this goddamn clock now (are we really surprised??). They were protesting “Homes not Games” and a few got arrested trying to beat up the clock and throw eggs at it. So now the City of Vancouver (meaning you, me and the rest of the innocent taxpayers) have to shell out money via increased taxation to pay for round the clock ‘clock security’; the security costs are expected to come to an estimated 300K. And to think! That 300K could have gone toward the purchase and/or building of some decent social housing in the city instead of paying for a round the clock rent-a-cop to make sure you tards don’t destroy the stupid Olympic clock! Nice work as usual, idiots.

p.s. all credit goes to Mag for the awesome clock picture, ty ty ty.

C'est tout fucké

Last night we were taken to GM Place to see Van Morrisson play. I was more than happy to be subsidized as the tickets were 150$! The tickets themselves said that the start time was 7:30 PM, SHARP! I had never seen a ticket say that before so I figured that it would be important to be on time for this one.

We all arrived on time and who should sit directly in front of us? None other than BC’s former premier, Glen Clark! (the Fast ferries were allll him. Every time I drive in North Van and I see those Pacificat ferries just sitting there I want to kick a socialist..just kidding :P). I said hello to him and he seemed pleased that someone recognized him and did not have something snotty to say (mind you, I was thinking it, just not saying it).

So, the show starts a bit late and all of a sudden a band is playing, Van Morrisson walks onto the stage and they delve right into the music. No opening act, no hello, no nod, nothing…They play for just barely over an hour and then he just walks off!! He never said a word to the crowd, no thank you, no goodbye, just gone. People shouted for an encore for about 5 minutes and then the lights went off and back on and we were all told to go home. The 55 year old groupie sitting behind me who screamed “woooooo” every 17.5 seconds throughout the entire show seemed especially crushed. Even Glen Clark who is now making a huge salary working for Jimmy Pattison complained about the steep price of the ticket for what little show we got. Oh well, the 4 songs I recognized were played very well. So the rumour is true, Van Morrisson IS an asshole.

Chubby Bunny

Listen up! For those people who: slurp, chew with their mouth open, smack their gum, talk with food in their mouth and bite down on chips with their mouth still open, you should all be punished. I do not need to see what you are eating, I do not want to hear you talk with food in your mouth (do you know how gross it sounds?) and did you know that it makes you look like a goddamn hippo?? Especially in the office setting people…you truly disgust me and next time, your Doritos are going out the window, ya hear? I swear to god.

How Green is the Grass?

Some things I have noticed walking around the big bad streets of the Couv lately:

Why do girls (especially Asian girls) walk around carrying their lunches and spare shoes in paper bags from designer stores like Tiffany’s, Hermes, Gucci, etc.?

The ambulance who parks on Thurlow @ Robson every morning where it specifically says “No Parking” just so you can run into Starbucks to get yourself and your buddy a frappuccino. Not only are you are holding up traffic but you are also parked illegally and you take forever because you keep chatting up the baristas who are 20 years younger than you. And who drinks caramel frappuccinos with whipped cream at 8 a.m. anyway?

Metro newspaper lady on Bute and Robson. I walk by you every day and politely say “no thanks” to your rag of a newspaper. Your new tactic is to walk up to me and hit me in the shoulder with your paper; WTF is your problem anyway? I see you do it to others too, you should not work anywhere near people.

The garbage cans downtown with the little cup holder thingies to put aluminum cans and plastic bottles in (see picture above). Those are so the entrepreneurial hobos do not have to dig through the trash to get at those recyclables, they are not for you retards to put your discarded Starbucks paper cups into.

Narcissistic B-line people. Not all of us on the sidewalk are waiting for the loser cruiser. Step aside and let those of us taking the sidewalk home walk on the damn sidewalk, geeeez.

ESL students on Robson. You do not need to walk 6 abreast everywhere you go. I should not have to step out into traffic to get around you. Oh, a pick up your damn feet while you’re at it.

Bute St. liquor store alley lady with the kids BMX bike you so obviously ‘found’. If you hate your boyfriend sooo much and he is ‘such an asshole’ as I hear you shout every day, then dump him already. I hear you screeching and screaming at him every single day when all he is trying to do is get you out of the middle of the road. You are in the middle of a hissy fit every time I walk by you and you deal with your anger by either a) throwing your bike down in the middle of traffic or b) kicking the dumpster. Get some professional help or lay off the crack.

Scone Tease

Friggin’ Starbucks. They reel you in with tasty goodies, get you hopelessly hooked on something that you cannot get through your day without and then they take it away. I was so addicted to the new raspberry apricot thumbprint scones and now they are gone. They were only introduced last month and they have been yanked already. How could you do this to me Starbucks? Did you not see my pure glee once you handed that tasty treat over to me in that brown paper bag? It gave my morning a purpose and now you have ruined it; bastards.

Joined a Cult

I have always wanted a group to belong to, I mean reeeeally belong to... I have been cult-shopping for quite sometime now and I finally made the plunge and joined one that so far, has been going smashingly well; I bought a Mac!

My old Dell laptop had seen better days: it was slow, heavy and every time I played a cd, it would sound like a 747 taking off in my living room. I decided that enough was enough, I was going to buy a new laptop for myself. (Keep in mind that the old laptop was over 5 years old, it had a good life).

I shopped around for some time, waited for Vista to come out, went to store after store, read dozens of consumer reports and finally went with my gut instinct and bought a Macbook 15" widescreen. It was designed so a monkey can work it which is perfect for me as I am not tech savvy whatsoever. My IPod Nano and iTunes are in synch and eveyrthing just makes sense. From opening the box to set up, I was on the internet within 4 minutes and had nothing to install. Who knew computing could be so easy.

An Inconvenient Truth

So I was watching the CBC National news last night and towards the end there was a segment about reducing our C02 footprint. This week has been a complete news flurry re: global warming and how it really is all our fault (I thought we already knew that, but anyway). It started off interesting enough but then in true CBC fashion it moved to scare tactics and consulted with Fraser Institute-like organisations to obtain all of their information.

I am all for wind and solar power, turning down the heat, walking as much as possible, etc. I will not however do something like the 100 km diet where everything you eat must be locally grown within 100 km from your home because trucking and flying in food increases CO2 emissions; that’s just crazy talk.

There was a discussion of ‘offsetting’ your environmental missteps by calculating your C02 no no’s into something good for the environment. So, say I have to fly to Toronto for a business meeting. Well that produces a certain amount of C02 emissions and I can then calculate it and see that I should put about 80$ into something environmentally beneficial or sustainable such as wind or solar power, etc. Oh, but you can’t put it towards trees or reforestation because they say these are not sustainable due to logging (not a joke, one of the hippies actually said that). Same goes for driving your car, using electricity, etc. Sounds nice in theory but what do they want me to do? Walk to Toronto?? I mean, I could take the Greyhound but that is a diesel-guzzling bus and it idles all the time when picking and dropping off people (leaving a vehicle idling was a big no no on the World Wildlife Foundation top 10 list of things we are doing wrong).

I am all for the environment and I too am scared of global warming but what are we supposed to do? Quit our jobs because we cannot walk from Vancouver to Richmond (sorry but I cannot risk my C02 emissions footprint, I have to quit this job). Even though SiSi says that I am so going to turn into a Cat Woman in my dotage...eating frosting out of a can with thousands of cats and screaming at the tv, I cannot help but wonder just what in the hell are we supposed to do? I’m scared of global warming too.

http://www.canadafreepress.com/2007/global-warming020507.htm

Meth Princess

Oh my god I love browsing Craigslist sometimes:

I saw you on East Hastings Street Friday night around 8:30pm, you were playing with a piece of garbage and stomping your feet to the sound of a car's radio. I tried to start a conversation with you but you were very engaged with your piece of garbage. I found you delightful and would like to see more of you. I am not of the 'street variety' anymore but I have a bit of a fetish for 'riff raff' and find you to be one of the finest!

Location: E Hasting/Columbia

http://vancouver.craigslist.org/mis/271674160.html