There Ain't No Party Like a Walgreen's Party

Seattle, June 2010. I was buying some Bandaids at the Walgreen’s near Pike Place Market for my feet as my dogs were barkin’ and it was quite a scene; the cashiers were all either loony tunes or they were all high as kites…perhaps both. Everyone was dancing and bopping about and my cashier was rapping to me while ringing my purchase through “Butterfinger, Crackerjacks, yo…you want some? They’re great, so sweet. Butterfinger, Crackerjack YO!” I stood there in disbelief trying not to laugh at the hilarity of everything going around me. I will definitely be back, it was like a nightclub in there and it was only 3pm.

Guess I Can't Fly

So I was renewing the man's passport on Tuesday morning and I was walking out of the passport office on Hastings and Hornby. I was crossing through the crosswalk and no, I wasn't listening to my iPod or talking on my phone when all of a sudden I heard a scream and saw something dark right by my shoulder. I knew that I was flying and I knew that this was not good at all which was followed by a huge thud as I landed square on my shoulder, ouch.

It was pouring rain and my personal belongings were strewn all across Hornby Street and all I could think of was ‘did that bastard just hit me?’ Yep, he sure did. I got smoked by a GMC Sierra and I wasn’t even jaywalking! There were tons of witnesses and people trying to keep me dry and as comfortable as possible but I knew that I was going to be ok when one of the guys was on the phone with 9-1-1 and they asked him how old I was. He leaned over and looked really close and said “Oh, I’d say she’s in her late 30’s” to which I shouted “No, I’m not, I’m 29 you asshole!”

Greedy much?

I recently received a new BC Care Card and with it came forms from BC Transplant to sign up as an organ donor. I was reading through the various options out of curiosity and was drawn to the return envelope. It had this sing songy note saying that although the postage is pre-paid, you could affix your own postage to save BC Transplant the fee as an ‘additional gift.’ Seriously? Haven’t you already asked for enough from me? You really need another 65 cents? Ridiculous.

Conference Calls Can be Fun

I was stuck on a very long client call today and it just so happened that they were Dutch. One guy kept saying “tight integration” in what seemed like every sentence but whenever he said ‘tight’ it reminded me of Goldmember from Austin Powers. It was all I could do to not completely lose it on this call, good times

Decomp Microwave

I am sure that all office people have a love/hate relationship with their communal office microwave. What is with certain people consistently bringing in food that smells like decomp though? First of all, what the fuck is it that you’re heating up and second, why in the hell can I smell it from the conference room on the complete other side of the office? It’s beyond nasty and it seems unfair to make innocents suffer on account of your lunch, how can you even eat that crap anyway? You are the same people who rarely help unload the dishwasher or clean up, so my guess is that your home is a complete pig sty at well, yuck.

Smurfland

We get it, you were a volunteer during the Olympics. Well you know what? The games are over and you look like a complete idiot in your electric blue volunteer jacket. During the 17 days of the Olympics, I actually enjoyed the look of a colony of Smurfs descending upon our fair city, but now I think you all look like a bunch of tools. Surely you have another jacket in your wardrobe, how about you wear that instead? Oh and another thing...your staff/volunteer pass no longer gets you on the bus for free, your glory days are over, so stop arguing with the bus driver and pay your bus fare like the rest of us.

JJ's Paralympic Torch experience aka I'm definitely going to hell

There was quite a crowd on the corner of Georgia and Granville this afternoon decked out in their Canada gear, frantically clanging their cowbells. We stopped to take part in the fun as it would be the first time that we would see the Paralympic torch coming through the city. I was expecting the torch bearer to be oh I dunno, someone in a wheelchair or with some sort of disability. Instead some 12 year old kid with nothing Paralympic looking about him came sauntering down the street with the torch in his hand. I felt completely ripped off and was desperately looking for any kind of gimp, limp… even a lazy eye! Dammit, there was nothing. Rena laughed and then said “Well, we’re both going to hell.”

We were made for this

Who knew that Canadian patriotism plus Olympic red mittens would equal a great hiding spot for a mickey of booze; I bet that the Hudson’s Bay Company never thought of that sort of legacy with their red mittens!

Angry Canuck

It seems that a lot of the foreign media is bashing our attempt at the Olympics this week *cough British and American* I have to laugh though as most of the criticism are things involving the weather (out of our control) and how boring the opening ceremonies were as compared to Beijing. First off, we have never had a winter this warm since we started keeping records of these things over 100 years ago and second, China is a communist nation with both infinite budget and infinite volunteers so really, I would like to see any nation try to top them, even you USA. The thing perhaps that gets me the most though (as it's personal) is the American media making fun of our politeness. Seriously, what is so wrong with saying 'please, thank you and you're welcome'? And another thing, no one pronounces it 'aboot' on the West Coast so get your head out of your ass American media and maybe try leaving your hotel room for a change and actually talk to a real Canadian or two.

USA is not so A-OK

Not everyone was able to afford Olympic tickets and some people just plain got shafted by VANOC's shitty website and were unable to get tickets even though they were ready, willing and able to with Visa cards in their paws. Despite this fact there was a nice consolation prize that was open to everyone else: Country Pavilions. These are fun places located all over the city where you can drink the local beverages of the visiting nations and learn about their Olympic team and meet some new people. Seems fairly harmless and fun I'd say. Well about the only place not open to the public is the Team USA House; Nothing open to the public you say? No interactive exhibits? No goodwill ambassadors? Oh wait, but I can BUY something and then get the hell out with security breathing down my neck? How perfectly American. I'll save my money thanks! To not have any interactive public exhibits while the rest of the world extends goodwill? Why can't we all just be friends?

** Props go to Mary for bringing this sad little tidbit of international relations to my knowledge.

Olympic fever?

I am sick to death of people whining and bitching about the Olympics. Yeah the roads will be a mess for 3 weeks but come on people, this is going to be the biggest party ever and we get to show off our city to the world. For all of you whiners and protesters in your $500 North Face jackets, I better not see you out and about at any of the free concerts or in the beer gardens…remember? You hate the Olympics, stay at home, you're no fun anyway. I am hoping that the Olympics will make Vancouver a little more relaxed and a lot more fun, here's hoping!

JJ’s angry dance

Every year, without fail when I get my T4 (income tax return up here in Canada) and I see line 22 (income tax deducted) I almost faint. Don’t get me wrong, I adore living in Canada and I love all of my socialised medicine and stuff but ouch, you bastards in Ottawa took a ton of my money yet again and well, that kinda sucks.