I don't get it

There is this commercial for Excel gum that is on all the time and it always leaves me shouting at the TV. It shows this guy walking up to an apartment and shoving some Excel gum into his trap while being followed by the last things he consumed that lead to such foul breath: an onion, some coffee and an adorable little donut. The first 2, I totally get, but are you trying to tell me that you can suffer from dragon breath post-donut? Unless it is a donut crammed with garlic or something else completely vile and quite un-donut like, then I really just don't get it. Excel, stop persecuting the donut!

Keep it to yourself

If you wake up and are hacking, wheezing and have a sore throat, FFS, please stay home and don't come into the office and inflict the rest of us with whatever plague you've dragged in. No one here is impressed that you've managed to make it in today. Yes, we'll talk about you if you take a sick day and assume that you're watching Maury Povich, shopping in the U.S. or skiing, but trust me, we will be talking even more shit about you if you get us all sick.

Only me

E.T. was released in 1982 and I have probably watched it, oh I don't know...about 26 times. It was on tv again this week and even though I know the story, and I know that the government doesn't catch him, and I know that he doesn't die...I still cry! Every...single...time. What's with that?!?

Up in the air

Air Canada, you know that I love you but why oh why do you taunt me with really good inflight movies that are too long to be shown on a 2 hour flight thanks to those obnoxious Telus parakeets dancing to hip hop music and that asswipe from Cineplex talking for 5 minutes telling me how much I am going to love this movie? Thanks to you I have now missed the last few minutes of both The King's Speech and The Social Network; grrrr.