Paws off!

Oh really, you ordered a grande latté too?? Small world indeed. The line was huge this morning as it is most mornings and seeing as we seem to be on the same schedule and all, 9/10 you are always behind me in line and have not even spat out your drink order before I am on my way to grab mine. So what are the odds that your grande latté will be ready before mine? Exactly, hands off MY latté already you crazy lady! Will you ever learn?

Diamonds are a junkies best friend

Perhaps I am just jaded and pessimistic, but dude, you're not getting these diamonds back! So a diamond dealer here in town loses 100K worth of diamonds on the street in East Vancouver because they fell out of his pocket. But then he goes on the news stating that he has a 10K reward for returning the 100K of diamonds to him. First of all, you lost them in EAST Vancouver and second, even junkies and hookers can do the math on this one…you’re SO not getting them back. What kind of idiot walks around town with 100K worth of diamonds in his pocket anyway?

**UPDATE Jan 30th/08: I type this update in a state of shock, *some* of the diamonds were returned today. Wow Vancouver, this is truly shocking!

Baby Geniuses?

I had to laugh out loud and applaud my pal Rena’s latest blog entry, FINALLY someone talking some sense! Granted, I know that I am not a mother but I have had enough friends have babies in the last while and feel that I have a vague idea of where they should be. They all smile, they all bounce to music, they all know their moms voice…I get that you love your baby and think that they are the greatest, smartest baby to ever grace the face of this earth but really, what are the odds? Most likely, your baby is quite average so give up on it already and stop being so friggin’ obnoxious about it. However, if your baby prodigy does find the cure for cancer or can recite the full name of Bangkok, then seriously, do give me a call.

**Reference Rena's post: 01.25.2007 "Yes, You Have the Cutest, Smartest Child Ever"..click on her name in green in the text above.

Willow Kinloch

Police brutality or doing their job? That’s for the courts to decide I guess but what is a bratty 15 year old girl doing completely drunk and stoned and out of control in the first place anyway? She couldn’t even slur her home address to the police officers trying to take her home. Do her parents really want to launch a lawsuit and inquiry 3 years after the fact into how this really started? As for her being scarred for life and "never being able to get over it", I think that was the whole point; This is what happens when you are drunk, arrested and become a danger to yourself. Yet another example of fine parenting *rolls eyes*

Natural selection at its finest

We were driving in the car yesterday on the way to the airport when a guy was on the radio saying that the demise of contemporary society coincides with the lawn dart ban in the late 1980’s. I had to laugh because his argument was a good one. Any household item used in a careless fashion can be harmful but lawn darts have earned a special place in history; unnecessarily in my opinion mind you. According to radaronline: Lawn darts were massive weighted spears. You threw them. They stuck where they landed. If they happened to land in your skull, well, then you should have moved. During their brief (and generally awesome) reign in 1980s suburbia, lawn darts racked up 6,700 injuries and four deaths. Thanks to taking lawn darts off the shelves, we are now left with these dumbasses on earth who otherwise would have been ‘taken care of’ by higher beings with a lawn dart to the head. Ahhh good ole’ natural selection.

Cue the circus music!

As far as I'm concerned, there are few things more annoying in life than baggage claim at an airport. I realize that the majority of the population is borderline retarded at best but come on people! We're all standing there patiently waiting to see our bag come around the carousel and grab it but you have to butt in with your luggage cart waiting to pick up 1 single tiny bag. First of all, you don't even need a luggage cart and you don’t need to ram it through a throng of people right up to the friggin' carousel making it damn near impossible for the rest of us. Some people should not be allowed in public.

I knew it!

How very annoying

Travel mugs that drip make me crazy. A travel mug is supposed to make your life easier by being able to grab your coffee and be on the go but how is it making ones life easier when there is coffee dripping out and spilling all over your shirt? Gawd.

Eeeeeew

What in the hell...Clamato is nasty. Budweiser is nasty. Put them together and you make JJ feel ill. I have seen navy people drink this concoction but you’d have to be a bit loco to join the navy so I kind of shrugged my shoulders. Who would pay for fishy smelling beer, errr piss water anyhow? Yuck

Parent Parking?

What's the deal with places like Home Depot and Whole Foods having "Parent Only Parking"? I have often seen whiny parents, scratch that...whiny mothers making snide remarks and giving dirty looks to those who happen to park in a "parent only parking" spot at 10 pm in an otherwise empty parking lot. This is after they have already parked their own car and are heading into the store with their gaggle of screaming children.

Why would you want to piss people off in the middle of the night with your kids hanging off your arms, hips and leg in a dark, fairly deserted parking lot? Are you stupid or something?

Funny though cause I have never seen a dad "defend" his right to a "parents only" parking spot. Most dads would not risk starting a fight for something so petty. This is called better judgment. Why can't the moms follow their example?

Scare Canada

So I was looking for flights on travelocity.ca today and I was shocked; Air Canada flights are now cheaper than WestJet, when in the hell did this happen?? But then I think back to my last NY JFK to Vancouver flight and remember this scenario:

Nice passenger lady “Air Canada, may I please have a pillow and blanket? It is oh so cold at 36,000 ft…"

Air Canada stewardess a la soup Nazi "No! No blanket for you. Five bucks."

It went something like that anyway.

I remember talking to a guy from England in the San Francisco airport back in November - his first experience on Air Canada was on a Vancouver/Toronto flight. His comment - completely unprompted mind you - “The planes are kind of tatty aren’t they? A bit like flying in the 70s.” Well said brutha, well said.

Infinite Asshattery

Hey, Stephen Harper; 4 cents off of my daily morning coffee?? Gee thanks, this 1% cut in GST surrrre beats something actually useful, like say oh I dunno....an income tax cut. Is it just me or is Serial Killer Harper a complete asshat?

Happy New Year Y'all

Well, it's been a while, hasn't it? Too long actually. A couple of times over the last while or so of my self-imposed boycott of the internet, i came close to breaking and posting something that i was burning to blog about but in the end i resisted! Oh well, I'm back and ready for 2008. I am sure that something will piss me off soon enough!

Things One Should Not Eat in Their Cubicle

The government has rules about scents and all things obnoxious in the work place so I was wondering why the private sector does not have the same? We work in cube farms too! I have compiled a list of all things obnoxious that I think should be banned if you work within 20 feet of someone:

- Apples (they are crunchy and loud and none of you can eat them quietly)
- Ice (don't chomp on it with your mouth open and WHY do you put ice in everything??)
- Tuna (it stinks people, THAT is why we have a lunch room)
- Anything that smells like burnt hair or roadkill
- Cheap cologne (I can tell you bought it at Sears, please, just have a shower and stop dousing yourself in that shit, seriously man)

Ode to the Migraine

Fuck You migraines. You are fucking brutal. However I appreciate the auras. If it wasn’t for the space between you and the mind-numbing onset of brutality, I wouldn’t have time to get so doped up that I thought elves were doing my laundry and asking me if I wanted to watch M*A*S*H with them. At least I have time to curl into the fetal position and pray for sweet mercy. So yeah, fuck you migraines.

You call this justice?

Tuan Nguyen laughing after being released?? Unreal. The crazy thing is that the judge gave him a reduced sentence because he "showed remorse". As Attorney General Wally Opal put it "For an offender to be walking out of the courthouse laughing at their sentence, the judge did not do their job and a review needs to be done". I am so glad that Global News got this on tape.

The Michael Levy case has made me so angry. An innocent boy at a party gets attacked from behind by 3 people: one punching him, one hitting his with a glass bottle and one hitting him with an axe in the back...he is now a quadriplegic and for what? To watch these 3 boys basically walk? Something needs to be done about our justice system, this just isn't fair.

Our system is weak

Our legal system got hijacked today and I think that we should let the Government know how we feel. More than 2,000 people showed up at Vancouver International Airport to protest the imminent deportation of Laibar Singh, a paralysed man who the government said entered the country illegally. The protesters surrounded Singh's taxi when it arrived, blocking off the road at the International departure area. Traffic was stalled, leaving passengers having to abandon cars at the entrance to the area. In the end, Border Services basically said 'screw it for now, he can stay and we'll deal with this later'. My question is, who exactly paying for this, my tax dollars?? This man FORGED documents to enter Canada! My compassion ends there.

Yes, Canada is a nation built on immigration; LEGAL immigration: waiting in a queue, filling out the correct forms, wanting to be part of the community. I have no respect for this man and he should have been sent home ages ago. Sorry but not everyone has a right to be here, you have to earn that right.

Raspberry Fatwa

What the hell Starbucks? I am seriously up in arms here. First you take away my beloved apricot raspberry thumbprint scone and now you also take away my backup, the whole wheat raspberry scone?? What is wrong with you people? Have you issued a fatwa against anything with raspberries in it or something??

You Know You’re Married When…

…you can chat about who’s toothbrush head is who’s for 15 minutes before you fall asleep and again for the first 5 minutes as soon as you both wake up. We have a lovely Sonicare toothbrush, which by the way totally kicks ass. Anyhow, the toothbrush heads have the coloured stripes on them so you know which one is yours. When we got these new heads, I chose green because it is my favourite colour and the husband got blue because blue is his favourite colour. Seems easy enough doesn’t it? Turns out the tricky guy has been using my toothbrush for who knows how many months now and we only found out last night this was the case…lots of finger pointing, laughing, etc. was had by all last night.

Our Nest

The man and I ventured into Vancouver real estate just over 2 years ago when we bought a cute little condo in the West End because we loved the location so much. We have now outgrown the place so we had to put our beloved nest up for sale while we were away on holidays (to save us the pain of having to clean like crazy on a daily basis). I am happy to report that the nest was only on the market for 2 days, received 4 offers and we sold for above the list price, WOOT. Gotta love the ‘Couv’s crazy-ass real estate market.